| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
would i be considered crazy (Free verse) by silvertongueddevil would i be considered crazy
to run you ragged on a hot day
just so i could sponge the sweat from you
and wring that sponge into a dish
and set that dish in the sun
to evaporate, to leave behind a thin film
of your salt?
how long would it take? all summer?
to collect a spoonful, or just a pinch,
enough to sprinkle, flavour.
would it be enough
to return my appetite,
re-engage my interest in food
that i lost when i met you
and became convinced
that your flesh was all
the sustenance i needed.
Up the ladder:
The Queen Mum - A Tribute
Down the ladder:
in love with jane doe
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.14
Posted: May 11, 2002 3:33 AM PDT; Last modified: May 11, 2002 3:33 AM PDTWeighted score: 6.1399975 Overall Rank: 1075 Comments:
how cool the interaction between surface and slippery slid-down
that's pretty cool. I think you would be considered rather crazy. :) I like, though.
Hey Silver, I really liked your poem. It was great! awesome work!:)
I like this. It really shows the love of one for another.
ode to obsession and passion overwhelming. i grok. aside: read 'perfume' (a novel) by patrick susskind.
i love this idea. i'd like it better if it were a short story instead of a poem, though. nice work.
Not at all crazy in my opinion, but I'm sure the poor girl has long since run screaming from your obsessive clutches. 8/10
Good stuff. I don't like the word "sustenance," but what the hell, it barely takes anything away from the poem.
Definitely crazy but it makes a good poem. Some of the language in the econd stanza is a bit stilted ('re-engage my interest in food' especially) but the idea is so compelling that it wins out.
Definitely crazy but it makes a good poem. Some of the language in the second stanza is a bit stilted ('re-engage my interest in food' especially) but the idea is so compelling that it wins out.
Definitely crazy but it makes a good poem. Some of the language in the second stanza is a bit stilted ('re-engage my interest in food' especially) but the idea is so compelling that it wins out.
Definitely crazy but it makes a good poem. Some of the language in the second stanza is a bit stilted ('re-engage my interest in food' especially) but the idea is so compelling that it wins out.
some guys have all the luck....we can only hope he's not a diabetic, or sickle cell anemic...8/10
Sorry guys, i don't know why my computer sent that four times....
The true affliction of whole-hearted desire conveyed nicely... Da1, on an full stomach
This is a delicious, intense metaphor. I feel, however, that it is not very well crafted. I couldn't hold on to the images in my head because of the way they run into one another. Think about how you would read this poem to the subject, and punctuate for maximum effect. I feel like I say this again and again to people, "Read your work aloud," but poetry really is an art of sound and it needs to be spoken or sung.
Good poem. Shades of Bukowski "I am the only poet in this town tonight" I see. But only shades and that is good.
=)
thats a very interesting idea...crazy...but i like it...9
Nice. Have you considerd pysciatric help?
yummy.
great. have an 8.
198 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
I get halfway through the second stanza and I feel the run-on of the last sentence. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I find that it distracts me from what's being said. Try playing with it to break it up, sentence-wise. Other than that, it's a really nice piece.