poemranker ::would i be considered crazy by silvertongueddevil

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Free verse № 1512

would i be considered crazy

by silvertongueddevil

Member since 2002 · Posted 11 May 2002 · 23 comments

would i be considered crazy to run you ragged on a hot day just so i could sponge the sweat from you and wring that sponge into a dish and set that dish in the sun to evaporate, to leave behind a thin film of your salt? how long would it take? all summer? to collect a spoonful, or just a pinch, enough to sprinkle, flavour. would it be enough to return my appetite, re-engage my interest in food that i lost when i met you and became convinced that your flesh was all the sustenance i needed.

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mean 6.14 weighted 6.14 rank 1075 views 198 View voting details →

50 votes so far. Yours would make 51.50 votes so far

23 comments

[8] anonymous 11-May-02/12:10 PM Reply
The first stanza in and of itself is well-crafted. Apart from line enjambment (which can sometimes be a tricky issue), I'd leave it alone.

I get halfway through the second stanza and I feel the run-on of the last sentence. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I find that it distracts me from what's being said. Try playing with it to break it up, sentence-wise. Other than that, it's a really nice piece.
[8] hoopoe 21-May-02/8:59 AM Reply
how cool the interaction between surface and slippery slid-down
[7] nentwined 9-Jul-02/3:08 AM Reply
that's pretty cool. I think you would be considered rather crazy. :) I like, though.
[9] kissmeufool58 10-Jul-02/7:22 PM Reply
Hey Silver, I really liked your poem. It was great! awesome work!:)
[8] deleted user 12-Jul-02/3:59 PM Reply
I like this. It really shows the love of one for another.
[7] <~> 31-Jul-02/10:04 AM Reply
ode to obsession and passion overwhelming. i grok. aside: read 'perfume' (a novel) by patrick susskind.
[8] deleted user 8-Aug-02/1:22 PM Reply
i love this idea. i'd like it better if it were a short story instead of a poem, though. nice work.
[8] Venus 19-Aug-02/10:26 PM Reply
Not at all crazy in my opinion, but I'm sure the poor girl has long since run screaming from your obsessive clutches. 8/10
[10] poetandknowit 19-Aug-02/10:35 PM Reply
Good stuff. I don't like the word "sustenance," but what the hell, it barely takes anything away from the poem.
[8] Christof 22-Aug-02/1:55 AM Reply
Definitely crazy but it makes a good poem. Some of the language in the econd stanza is a bit stilted ('re-engage my interest in food' especially) but the idea is so compelling that it wins out.
[8] Christof 22-Aug-02/1:56 AM Reply
Definitely crazy but it makes a good poem. Some of the language in the second stanza is a bit stilted ('re-engage my interest in food' especially) but the idea is so compelling that it wins out.
[8] Christof 22-Aug-02/1:56 AM Reply
Definitely crazy but it makes a good poem. Some of the language in the second stanza is a bit stilted ('re-engage my interest in food' especially) but the idea is so compelling that it wins out.
[8] Christof 22-Aug-02/1:57 AM Reply
Definitely crazy but it makes a good poem. Some of the language in the second stanza is a bit stilted ('re-engage my interest in food' especially) but the idea is so compelling that it wins out.
[8] horus8 22-Aug-02/2:02 AM Reply
some guys have all the luck....we can only hope he's not a diabetic, or sickle cell anemic...8/10
[8] Christof 22-Aug-02/2:32 AM Reply
Sorry guys, i don't know why my computer sent that four times....
[10] Sigh'ense... 28-Aug-02/9:15 PM Reply
The true affliction of whole-hearted desire conveyed nicely... Da1, on an full stomach
[5] limonade 30-Aug-02/10:19 PM Reply
This is a delicious, intense metaphor. I feel, however, that it is not very well crafted. I couldn't hold on to the images in my head because of the way they run into one another. Think about how you would read this poem to the subject, and punctuate for maximum effect. I feel like I say this again and again to people, "Read your work aloud," but poetry really is an art of sound and it needs to be spoken or sung.
[10] poetandknowit 3-Sep-02/7:32 PM Reply
Good poem. Shades of Bukowski "I am the only poet in this town tonight" I see. But only shades and that is good.
[0] Katie 13-Sep-02/6:38 AM Reply
=)
[9] rockinindividual 31-Dec-02/7:48 AM Reply
thats a very interesting idea...crazy...but i like it...9
[9] Another Bobjim?!?! 31-Dec-02/8:31 PM Reply
Nice. Have you considerd pysciatric help?
[7] cobalt 1-Jan-03/11:04 PM Reply
yummy.
[8] darby pyn 7-Jan-03/2:14 AM Reply
great. have an 8.