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would i be considered crazy (Free verse) by silvertongueddevil

would i be considered crazy to run you ragged on a hot day just so i could sponge the sweat from you and wring that sponge into a dish and set that dish in the sun to evaporate, to leave behind a thin film of your salt? how long would it take? all summer? to collect a spoonful, or just a pinch, enough to sprinkle, flavour. would it be enough to return my appetite, re-engage my interest in food that i lost when i met you and became convinced that your flesh was all the sustenance i needed.

limonade 30-Aug-02/10:19 PM
This is a delicious, intense metaphor. I feel, however, that it is not very well crafted. I couldn't hold on to the images in my head because of the way they run into one another. Think about how you would read this poem to the subject, and punctuate for maximum effect. I feel like I say this again and again to people, "Read your work aloud," but poetry really is an art of sound and it needs to be spoken or sung.




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