DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

in love with jane doe

Member since 2001 · Posted 11 Apr 2002 · Edited 23 Apr 2002 · 6 comments

your eyes are the eeriest shade of pure pale green your eyes are more beautiful than the universe you're curls and curves in all the right places a silhouette a shadow casts you're the most perfect mess you're shattered glass and i see my reflection in you seven years of bad luck if only i could be so lucky

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17 votes so far. Yours would make 18.17 votes so far

6 comments

[6] nentwined 12-Apr-02/5:22 PM Reply

I like bits and pieces of this poem immensely, if those could just be picked out and put in a proper frame...

"Your eyes are the eeriest shade of pure pale green"

actually... I really *don't* like "your eyes are more beautiful than the universe" -- too simple, too easy, doesn't say anything. Then the next stanza seems to fumble and not really connect to the end of the poem.

The end (you're shattered glass ... if only I could be so luck) I like.

I just need a better understanding of the situation, the middle needs... otherness and explanation, for me.

[6] nentwined 23-Apr-02/12:16 AM Reply

eep! this disappeared!?

[6] nentwined 23-Apr-02/3:31 AM Reply

fixed the disappearedness. sorry your edits were lost...

[9] anonymous 23-Apr-02/9:12 PM Reply

LOL. That's great.

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 26-May-02/11:49 AM Reply

You're poem is sure great!!

[6] harrytuttle 15-Jul-02/6:50 AM Reply

I liked this. A bit disjointed and needs to be scrubbed, spellingwise, but pretty ok otherwise...