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in love with jane doe (Free verse) by crin your eyes
are the eeriest shade
of pure pale green
your eyes
are more beautiful than the universe
you're curls and curves
in all the right places
a silhouette
a shadow casts
you're the most perfect mess
you're shattered glass
and i see my reflection in you
seven years of bad luck
if only i could be so lucky
Up the ladder:
would i be considered crazy
Down the ladder:
~*Broken Soul*~
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.2941175
Posted: April 11, 2002 1:20 AM PDT; Last modified: April 23, 2002 1:56 AM PDTWeighted score: 6.139855 Overall Rank: 1076 Comments:
LOL. That's great.
You're poem is sure great!!
I liked this. A bit disjointed and needs to be scrubbed, spellingwise, but pretty ok otherwise...
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"Your eyes are the eeriest shade of pure pale green"
actually... I really *don't* like "your eyes are more beautiful than the universe" -- too simple, too easy, doesn't say anything. Then the next stanza seems to fumble and not really connect to the end of the poem.
The end (you're shattered glass ... if only I could be so luck) I like.
I just need a better understanding of the situation, the middle needs... otherness and explanation, for me.