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would i be considered crazy (Free verse) by silvertongueddevil

would i be considered crazy to run you ragged on a hot day just so i could sponge the sweat from you and wring that sponge into a dish and set that dish in the sun to evaporate, to leave behind a thin film of your salt? how long would it take? all summer? to collect a spoonful, or just a pinch, enough to sprinkle, flavour. would it be enough to return my appetite, re-engage my interest in food that i lost when i met you and became convinced that your flesh was all the sustenance i needed.

anonymous 11-May-02/12:10 PM
The first stanza in and of itself is well-crafted. Apart from line enjambment (which can sometimes be a tricky issue), I'd leave it alone.

I get halfway through the second stanza and I feel the run-on of the last sentence. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I find that it distracts me from what's being said. Try playing with it to break it up, sentence-wise. Other than that, it's a really nice piece.




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