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im playing basketball (Free verse) by rockinindividual im playing basketball
as the day fades around me
and the streetlight begins to glow
im choking the anger out of my system
playing harder
faster
my breath comes out in gasps
as i dribble around obstacles
pounding harder and harder
shooting from farther and farther away
then my anger boils down
to a throbbing annoyance
my form is perfected
as the ball hits the rim
and falls away
again and again
finally all enemies are forgotten
all grudges laid aside
im playing basketball
as day turns into night
shades are drawn
and lights turned off
as i continue playing
i dribble around my legs
back and forth
shooting
my muscles pulled taut
as the ball leaves the hands
who know it so well
my eyes follow its arc
watching it fall through the air
the net catching it gracefully
it hits the ground again
and i spring after it
only to pass it over my head
and into the basket again
im playing basketball
for myself
for that feeling
of pure power
of pure innocence
caring about nothing but the next shot
watching nothing but the ball
when it leaves my hands
feeling nothing but my muscles
pulling
stretching
setting that ball in motion
giving it life
and then snatching it away again
once it hits the pavement
im playing basketball
long after the sun leaves
and the moon comes to watch
im playing basketball
pushing myself harder and harder
going farther and farther
until my shots begin to fall short
and my steps falter
i retreat beneath the covers
waiting for sleep
to carry away memories of that anger
that made me play
as the day faded around me.
Up the ladder:
The Dawn Of Darkness
Down the ladder:
When I wake...
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Posted: December 27, 2002 4:14 PM PST; Last modified: December 27, 2002 4:14 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.5 Overall Rank: 2702 Comments:
[7]
horus8 @ 24.126.113.154
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27-Dec-02/5:41 PM
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Reply
this is all second act. no first or third? it needs more arc. set up your anger more, so that we know why you are mad, exactly, and more of the process you took to expose that anger and fear in order to cure it..beyond just the basketball..that's only a third of the solution. where is the other two thirds? good first draft though. here's a seven.
[n/a]
rockinindividual @ 66.171.38.29
> horus8
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27-Dec-02/6:07 PM
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Reply
i dont even know what my anger was about...often i just go out and play when i feel something boiling up inside me that i cant contain and just want to get rid of. i'll think about your advice though...i can see a story coming out of this...thank you!
horus8 - i think that would actually take away from the poem.. this is about playing basketball, not about the anger. although you make good points, i think what you suggest would veer from the fact that basketball is a way to release all that anger, wherever it may be from, and just push yourself to play. well done! oh wait, i've told you that before :)
why use 500 words than when you can compress life even more. poetry is about compressing. prose is about explaining in detail here example in haiku
Parents fight, alot. On the court i vent, escape. With sweat comes wisdom. either or, it's all good. i still think underneath it all there is always more brewing and if there's not, there should be. writing is like acting and performing music it's about heightening the stories and experience, not flattening them..otherwise we would be flooded with one dimensional blee blee until we all folded into complaisancy. i think that there is a specific reason behind everything and to ignore that is to doom oneself into routines of fog enshrouded submissiveness. defined motivation is the key to brilliant writing. understanding terms to understand oneself. label actions, and pull from that file in confidence. don't settle for less, beg for more. i play basketball when i'm lonely, i'm frustrated, i need to feel in control, i need to touch something i'm familiar with, to escape, to feel good about myself again, to lose weight, for fun, to watch cindy zuniga practice with the cheerleading squad..there is always a reason..always!..to say there isn't..is to be unaware, and immature. i enjoyed the piece, but i write, he plays basketball, and i know for a fact. it could be better, and it will, to eat simply because your hungry is to miss out on just how good some food can truly be.
for me, this poem is supposed to be long, its supposed to capture the stages i went through when i played that night. i came out angry, i was playing because of the physical feeling of throwing a ball at something...i missed many times just because all i wanted was to throw something and hear a thud. eventually though, i began to think about what i was doing, i began to make the shots...to get good at it and to concentrate on what i was doing. it was at a point where i wasnt thinking about anything else...the only thing in my mind was where i should stand, how much force i should put into it, how much of an arc...and then i became tired and my shots werent making it and i was out of breath..but i wasnt angry anymore. i had forgotten it. thats what this poem is about, its supposed to be long, its supposed to perhaps be even longer than it could, and to be somewhat repetitive. thats what i had in mind when i wrote it. i do think it needs a simple rewrite, to cut back on a few things, but overall its trying to portray a certain idea, and in my mind it needs its length.
This coming from the master of taut writing: Mr. Horus8.
This is what mulleretard had to say about you....and yes i think he's a better writer than me by a few years, but after i go to the iowa writer's workshop this summer who knows, maybe i'll catch up.....hahaha
He received in the mail a few days ago, as did the other 65,000 subscribers to Poets and Writers Magazine a postcard for the Iowa Writer's Conference. That is what placed the fictitious idea in his head. Just like when he listens to Cake, he conjures he writes the lyrics for them. Just like he says he received a GED in the brig, yet he graduated from a high school in Michigan. Besides, can you get into the armed services without a high school diploma if the draft is not in place? Let's see, he frequently visits the ranch of Val Kilmer in Taos with his made up son to fly paper airplanes and slam at the Poetry Circus there. This is odd, because I did not see or hear of anyone there named Jeremi Handrinos. At least not in the later rounds. See, he is a hard hittin street poet in the nature of Jim Morrison (although The Doors replaced Morrison with The Cult's lead singer for the upcoming tour, which is now on hold, so he failed there). And because of this he is constantly creating, even if it means personas for himself. He is a true genius. And although anyone can get into the conference with a check, conferences are a joke. He is already a far better writer than myself. So please, give him three cheers and a kiss from Tommy Lee, his next-door neighbor.
I found our loliopop's disorder..Histrionic
People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. They also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.
this would be more exciting if you changed basketball, to curling
you should try getting a 3lbs. box of assorted chocolates from Wal Mart and eating the whole box....that should take care of your anger.....ahhhhhh
Are you a Tar Heel?
i am....so is carolinagirl...cause tar heels rock. i only watch womens basketball though. thats where you find the REAL talent.
Am i a tar heel? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... omg am i ever.... and the boys aren't bad either, rockin ;) oh wait.. how many times have i told you that?
so yeah, for you college bball knowledgeables out there, you can see why i really really like this poem :)
Go Blue Devils!!!!!!
Ahh a dooooookie!!
NOw, I have completely given my identity....oh well....I'm a Tar Heel too...just graduated in May...what year are you?
Do you speak with a drawl?
Are you just a duke fan or did you go there too?
I don't go to UNC (yet) but i hope to in a couple.. i just lived in chapel hill for 6 years (just moved away this summer.. poo) and i bleed all LIGHT blue
i would like to see more basketball argot in this poem. i want you to name sports stuff, and with each slamdunk, or 3pointshot, or whatever--you erase a little bit more of the weight of the anger. balance the scales of action and reaction. you dig?
mmmm...good idea...ill have to think about that
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