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Surpass the Dream (Free verse) by darkhelmet10 My fears are removed,
My stress eliminated.
I've wished for this,
I've wished long and hard.
This isn't what my wish was,
But its better than i dreamed.
To find a girl whos perfect,
It's the greatest in the world.
My worries have been lifted,
I can focus on life.
I owe it all to her,
She gave me the strength.
When I am lonely,
She is there.
When I am scared,
She is there.
Whenever I need her,
She is there.
My world is her,
She is my true love.
Up the ladder:
Darkness
Down the ladder:
Everything (A Song)
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.25
Posted: October 26, 2002 4:43 PM PDT; Last modified: October 26, 2002 4:43 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.5293527 Overall Rank: 12736 Comments:
[0]
Tintagiles @ 198.164.250.181
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26-Oct-02/6:55 PM
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Reply
Poor her.
First of all I'd like to say congradulations on falling in love for the first time. Your poem is young, considering the source it would be unusual if it weren't. The first rule you need to learn is, Don't tell me, show me. In other words, describe describe describe. To tell or depict. Were where you when you were scared. Lonely. HOW did she help. Literally. Don't make things up tell the truth in nauseating detail. Then you can learn how to transform it into poetry. Your poem is all skeleton. No flesh.
yeah but skellington poemes are good.
Skeletor kicked he-man's ass
I'd try to learn to stand on your own two feet before you rely on someone else's.
sweet but sappy...not my fave..but thats just my opinion...3
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