on Primal Reality by peaceseeker
7 Oct 2003, 12:25 PM
the individual verse don't seem to hang together very well.
like the little rhymes running through the first verse, and flocks and hops
like the little rhymes running through the first verse, and flocks and hops
on Who are the best poets on poemranker? (A list by me) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
7 Oct 2003, 9:04 AM
mr pig?
on Ravens Flight - Voices of Spite (My First Ever Vilanelle) by Don-Quixote
7 Oct 2003, 6:09 AM
OK mainly flows I think, and some nice material
bit too slow though for the repetition to kick in
gay is too easy a rhyme, and is far more loaded to meaning homosexual, which would mean your feathered foe was singing something like Y.M.C.A.
bit too slow though for the repetition to kick in
gay is too easy a rhyme, and is far more loaded to meaning homosexual, which would mean your feathered foe was singing something like Y.M.C.A.
on silent struggle by princesszoe
7 Oct 2003, 6:03 AM
all the deepest's protest too much of your feelings.
and tears drip from the depth? upwards?.
But there does seem to be a poem here, a skeleton of feeling
and tears drip from the depth? upwards?.
But there does seem to be a poem here, a skeleton of feeling
on Orchidess by abecedarian
7 Oct 2003, 5:35 AM
overall a good complete poem.
I don't think you need the lines 'gametic knife' or 'allure abounds'.
Such phrases are already inferred I think.
This poem has a certain frisson without.
I don't think you need the lines 'gametic knife' or 'allure abounds'.
Such phrases are already inferred I think.
This poem has a certain frisson without.
on such a horrible thing to waste by Freethinker1602
6 Oct 2003, 10:59 AM
I think a pimple should be unsubtle, but still express some kind of emotion.
Flow is good, kind of like conversation
Flow is good, kind of like conversation
on My love for Katie by Stephen Robins
6 Oct 2003, 10:51 AM
If you are a stranger making lewd comments about a young katie, then you are disgusting.
If she is your sister or something, I guess it is OK
If she is your sister or something, I guess it is OK
on the meeting by richa
6 Oct 2003, 10:38 AM
trying to get a feeling of physical distance with the last line.
on Drunken Night by Ataryu
5 Oct 2003, 1:10 PM
'Now I die' seems hyperbolic and a lot of the rhymes seem forced 'knee/me, swim dim'
Still fast flowing and not too painful
Still fast flowing and not too painful
on Blissful the Fungae Forest by peaceseeker
5 Oct 2003, 1:05 PM
the rhythm breaks down a bit at 'through the mountain valley blissful the fungae forest meaty mushrooms'
overall it flows pretty well though
like the leafs fall at the beginning, could do with compacting though
overall it flows pretty well though
like the leafs fall at the beginning, could do with compacting though
on Painted Air by New Life Drug
5 Oct 2003, 12:53 PM
well carried, nice rhythm, a little prosaic.
And crickets never sing
through all four seasons
was my favourite phrase
And crickets never sing
through all four seasons
was my favourite phrase
on Bar Tale 2.0 by jessicazee
5 Oct 2003, 12:45 PM
white and irish - cant be a gangster then.
It isn't really much of a poem, but it is a well structured story (providing it is going anywhere)
It isn't really much of a poem, but it is a well structured story (providing it is going anywhere)
on On the Occasion by tadpole
3 Oct 2003, 8:51 AM
not sure about the rhyme at the end of each verse, too many words seem to interfere in between, such as whom and you.
overall pleasant,
overall pleasant,
on Tailor Made by OnTheOtherHand
3 Oct 2003, 8:40 AM
the moral of the story?
I guess that you should not have given away the suit.
If you have no use for a suit ther is precious little point in keeping it even if it does fit well.
That electric chair is damn comfy.
The poem I found flowed well but seemed a little odd.
I guess that you should not have given away the suit.
If you have no use for a suit ther is precious little point in keeping it even if it does fit well.
That electric chair is damn comfy.
The poem I found flowed well but seemed a little odd.
on The Love of -=Dark_Angel=- and J.B.Manning by ho_hum
1 Oct 2003, 11:26 AM
Stop writing about
dark angels trite love life
noeone gives a shit
dark angels trite love life
noeone gives a shit
on EGG by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
30 Sep 2003, 7:28 AM
great clarity, you are obviously a man who has no trouble grappling with your immense intellect.
on Perversions 8: The Reckoning by razorgrin
30 Sep 2003, 7:27 AM
the last one, I seem to forget what you were supposed to rhyme the last line with.
Other than that good rhythm, and in the spirit of a limerick
Other than that good rhythm, and in the spirit of a limerick
on Love doggerel by thavimatola
29 Sep 2003, 1:34 PM
Like it, especially the refreshing rhymes in the first verse
on Wasted Words by ho_hum
26 Sep 2003, 2:25 PM
the last line I think is wasted, as it has been explained in the rest of the poem.
the breasts into an undersized bra, unwilling?
anthropomorphism?
the breasts into an undersized bra, unwilling?
anthropomorphism?
Other than that yes, seems to say something, what will be will be