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Ravens Flight - Voices of Spite (My First Ever Vilanelle) (Villanelle) by Don-Quixote Voices from me withered mouth did bite
the day me tapestry did fray
Taking flight much like an over-intoxicated kite
The loss of me trusted carpet brought about spite
me inner devil knew that someone must pay
Voices from me withered mouth did bite
A spell loomed over the coming night
me inner lawyer said the ravens now held sway
Taking flight much like an over-intoxicated kite
Me ears founds their crowing to be trite
determined i was to have the last say
Voices from me withered mouth did bite
Feathered foe thought me filled with fright
cackling with songs that were gay
Taking flight much like an over-intoxicated kite
It was a such a dreadful sight
when them ravens would not pay
Voices from me withered mouth did bite
Taking flight much like an over-intoxicated kite
Up the ladder:
Unemployment Lining
Down the ladder:
Prophets
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.5454545
Posted: October 6, 2003 3:35 PM PDT; Last modified: October 6, 2003 3:47 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.7727275 Overall Rank: 1757 Comments:
[n/a]
Don-Quixote @ 204.31.170.8
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6-Oct-03/3:37 PM
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Reply
not too bad i think.. actually, it wasnt that hard- once i grasped the flow of it.. oh well, theres going to be more since i had fun writing one.
I like the way you used the lawyer as a metaphor for incest. -9-
my inner lawyer was mush when my inner devil proved he could bring about more suffering that he.
and the bastards whip cracks 'long with the lawyers groans are soon going to compell me to swipe my universe clean and create less irritating bastages as my underlings.
ha haaaaaha hahahha haha haha I thought it was a metaphor for soloflex? Ha ha ha ha. 7.
did you ever think id take a crack at the vil?
i didnt, but then i looked in the mirror and i realized that my goatee was getting greasy. maybe i should ponder tackling a sestina next?
OK mainly flows I think, and some nice material
bit too slow though for the repetition to kick in gay is too easy a rhyme, and is far more loaded to meaning homosexual, which would mean your feathered foe was singing something like Y.M.C.A.
yeah, the that line bugs me aswell, but i didnt have any other ideas at the moment, later on i might tweak it to something else.
DON'T GIVE UP THE DAY JOB!!!!!!!!1111111
your friend, doug
my friend? your quite mistaken, or very lonely.
It's a Vilanelle alright - Poe would like it; i likes it.
Go for the Sestina. Do it. Do it now before all the ideas get used up!!
All ideas getting used up? tsk, impossible, everytime i think ive run out of ideas i get a thousand more.
ill be improving my vilanelle ability a bit more before attempting a sestina- which can be quite the headache for a poet. happy you enjoyed it. 280 view(s)
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