DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 68929

silent struggle

by princesszoe

Member since 2003 · Posted 6 Oct 2003 · 8 comments

as i sing words drip like tears from the depth of me i look in your eyes, so dampen deep and blue and wonder what is down there, in you i try to touch hard with my deepest heart which bounces off unnoticed my smallest is contained in you, owned no less for my silence i protest with screams suppressed too often still with buoyant heart i slice from me and serve it straight to you

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8 comments

[n/a] Shuushin 6-Oct-03/7:30 PM Reply
I like the image - of slicing part of oneself to give to another. That is really conveyed entirely in the second stanza; I struggle to find meaning in the first.

Dampen deep? Damp and deep? maybe just an interesting coinage - maybe some change? words dripping like tears is - used.

I think the first stanza was just a warm up exercise for the second (this is not uncommon) - let it evaporate like sweat, and keep the second as a base for something very nice.
[n/a] princesszoe › Shuushin 6-Oct-03/11:13 PM Reply
Thanks for your comment, I will certainly have another look at this.
[0] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? 7-Oct-03/2:55 AM Reply
Poetry is the lowest art-form known to man.
[7] richa 7-Oct-03/6:03 AM Reply
all the deepest's protest too much of your feelings.

and tears drip from the depth? upwards?.

But there does seem to be a poem here, a skeleton of feeling
[10] sliver 7-Oct-03/7:19 AM Reply
Deeply felt emotion still swirling down there with the source of your tears. I especially like the 'slice of my heart' part (look! I'm a poet too!)yipee.
[8] Craychus 7-Oct-03/6:08 PM Reply
heartfelt. 8.
[8] Shardik 7-Oct-03/11:05 PM Reply
hoochie coo. 8.
[n/a] princesszoe 8-Oct-03/12:20 AM Reply
Thanks for the comments, appreciated.