| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
silent struggle (Free verse) by princesszoe as i sing words drip like tears from the depth of me
i look in your eyes, so dampen deep and blue
and wonder what is down there, in you
i try to touch hard with my deepest heart
which bounces off unnoticed
my smallest is contained in you,
owned no less for my silence
i protest with screams suppressed too often still
with buoyant heart i slice from me
and serve it straight to you
Up the ladder:
Oil Spill
Down the ladder:
My Courtney
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.4444447
Posted: October 6, 2003 6:52 PM PDT; Last modified: October 6, 2003 6:52 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.2222223 Overall Rank: 4327 Comments:
Poetry is the lowest art-form known to man.
all the deepest's protest too much of your feelings.
and tears drip from the depth? upwards?. But there does seem to be a poem here, a skeleton of feeling
Deeply felt emotion still swirling down there with the source of your tears. I especially like the 'slice of my heart' part (look! I'm a poet too!)yipee.
heartfelt. 8.
hoochie coo. 8.
Thanks for the comments, appreciated.
203 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Dampen deep? Damp and deep? maybe just an interesting coinage - maybe some change? words dripping like tears is - used.
I think the first stanza was just a warm up exercise for the second (this is not uncommon) - let it evaporate like sweat, and keep the second as a base for something very nice.