| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Wasted Words (Free verse) by ho_hum Why, are words so freely given?
Too many syllables, squeezed,
like unwilling breasts into an undersized bra,
Into lines to small to accommodate them.
The result equally uncomfortable and unappealing.
Observe the competent poet
Not a word is wasted.
Up the ladder:
Our Love Our Life
Down the ladder:
15 Minute poem
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.6666665
Posted: September 26, 2003 4:03 AM PDT; Last modified: September 26, 2003 4:03 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.179294 Overall Rank: 4821 Comments:
pretty good. nice and simple.
the last line I think is wasted, as it has been explained in the rest of the poem.
the breasts into an undersized bra, unwilling? anthropomorphism?
In a severe case of nork squeezing they certainly look pretty unwilling. The second last line would look a bit odd without the last one, but fair enough.
Except, the word of THE CRAFTY JESU!
Nice poem. stop thinking........ and dont ........ also forget the...... next time leave.......out
172 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
but you turned a nice trick with the similie.
Perhaps too many
Perhaps poorly applied.
But so preferable
To excessive use
Of line breaks
For the same purpose.