poemranker ::Wasted Words by ho_hum

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Free verse № 67061

Wasted Words

by ho_hum

Member since 2003 · Posted 26 Sep 2003 · 8 comments

Why, are words so freely given? Too many syllables, squeezed, like unwilling breasts into an undersized bra, Into lines to small to accommodate them. The result equally uncomfortable and unappealing. Observe the competent poet Not a word is wasted.

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mean 5.67 weighted 5.18 rank 4818 views 172 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

8 comments

[7] <~> 26-Sep-03/7:10 AM Reply
you, sir, have wasted your commas, as well.

but you turned a nice trick with the similie.
[n/a] ho_hum › <~> 29-Sep-03/1:50 AM Reply
Commas
Perhaps too many
Perhaps poorly applied.

But so preferable
To excessive use
Of line breaks
For the same purpose.
[7] J.B. Manning › ho_hum 3-Oct-03/1:45 PM Reply
I like the line breaks better. But dramatic line breaks, do not a poem make.
[7] J.B. Manning 26-Sep-03/1:47 PM Reply
pretty good. nice and simple.
[7] richa 26-Sep-03/2:25 PM Reply
the last line I think is wasted, as it has been explained in the rest of the poem.

the breasts into an undersized bra, unwilling?
anthropomorphism?
[n/a] ho_hum › richa 29-Sep-03/1:48 AM Reply
In a severe case of nork squeezing they certainly look pretty unwilling. The second last line would look a bit odd without the last one, but fair enough.
[8] Bachus 27-Sep-03/12:30 PM Reply
Except, the word of THE CRAFTY JESU!
[n/a] Damien 19-Apr-05/4:56 AM Reply
Nice poem. stop thinking........ and dont ........ also forget the...... next time leave.......out