on freewrite~1-10-10/11am by shadowaura
2 Nov 2003, 5:30 AM
cool wordplay
on Thee of most shiny belt buckles by <{Baba^Yaga}>
1 Nov 2003, 8:33 AM
Love the way you lose all the discipline at the end and just blurt out what a twisted wizard he is.
Fine depiction of repression
Fine depiction of repression
on Small made Large by tadpole
31 Oct 2003, 6:34 AM
Some nice lines 'not even a clark' 'won't fill a cup'
Not sure the poem hangs together though, loose ended like a hydra.
Not sure the poem hangs together though, loose ended like a hydra.
on exploration of entirety by skaskowski
31 Oct 2003, 6:32 AM
I think the alliteration loses its power as it is overdone.
Stapled/disabled rhyme sounds a bit odd.
I like the second verse, and the third verse (although v3 took a few rereads).
Yep overall pretty good, lively.
Stapled/disabled rhyme sounds a bit odd.
I like the second verse, and the third verse (although v3 took a few rereads).
Yep overall pretty good, lively.
on Burn for Her by josiefiend
30 Oct 2003, 3:19 PM
the subject choice is not original; love fire/fire burns.
But nevertheless I think you writing has quite a lively voice, though somewhat archaic.
But nevertheless I think you writing has quite a lively voice, though somewhat archaic.
on Tiddles Breathes his Last by scitz
29 Oct 2003, 3:47 PM
Tiddles breathes his last
and then pass-
es out
Cute poem everything a haiku should be I think
and then pass-
es out
Cute poem everything a haiku should be I think
replying on The Santa Anna's fire and red sun by Bachus
29 Oct 2003, 3:13 PM
My forecast: the climates going to change, up or down, something to do with jet streams, CFC's.
Good poem by the way
Good poem by the way
replying on EarthWaterAir - Hey! Look! IM MR FIRE! by Y2kSlamPoet
29 Oct 2003, 12:51 PM
He's not still wearing dresses is he, I don't think it appropriate to his gender.
replying on EarthWaterAir - Hey! Look! IM MR FIRE! by Y2kSlamPoet
29 Oct 2003, 12:40 PM
Didn't SD used to be a she?
replying on Belgium and rose tears by SupremeDreamer
29 Oct 2003, 12:12 PM
what is it pretending to be?
on The Picture by Butterfly1120
29 Oct 2003, 12:10 PM
Don't just say 'vivid dreams' 'memories flashing.
Tell!
Tell!
'Making love to grow a child' is a rather interesting line, seems so unsentimental.
Then 'two peoples hearts grow twice the size' is unabashedly OTT romantic.
Two nice lines but somewhat at odds I think.
The bit about life a single moment is a bit trite, what comes before it does not convince.
Then 'two peoples hearts grow twice the size' is unabashedly OTT romantic.
Two nice lines but somewhat at odds I think.
The bit about life a single moment is a bit trite, what comes before it does not convince.
replying on EarthWaterAir - Hey! Look! IM MR FIRE! by Y2kSlamPoet
29 Oct 2003, 11:41 AM
I thought you'de have higher than a virtually dead middle IQ of 107, maybe you are joking, never know with you.
Still what is this great IQ that Supreme The Dreamer has been claiming?
Still what is this great IQ that Supreme The Dreamer has been claiming?
on comment-ary by nentwined
28 Oct 2003, 7:23 AM
could be about poemranker
replying on Experimental Robot Questionaire by horus8
28 Oct 2003, 7:22 AM
Exactly what I thought about, the turing tests.
The computer being examined as human having been created by disney.
Oh I so love their cute humour
The computer being examined as human having been created by disney.
Oh I so love their cute humour
on The Right to Life by Retaliate
28 Oct 2003, 7:15 AM
Good, like the flow of the haikus.
They are haiku in spirit as well as syllable.
The argument in the last three verses loses discipline though.
None of those would stand up as a single haiku.
They are haiku in spirit as well as syllable.
The argument in the last three verses loses discipline though.
None of those would stand up as a single haiku.
on leaving by windlessbreez
28 Oct 2003, 7:10 AM
this is too generic, perhaps if you wrote something more creative a title would jump out at you (and the reader).
The style is pretty good/ readable in both your poems I think.
The style is pretty good/ readable in both your poems I think.
on every moment will soon be memory by calliope
24 Oct 2003, 11:41 AM
Nice idea, you can hear the pensive voice in the last three words
on Three Fall by <~>
24 Oct 2003, 12:55 AM
'And I wonder
if the thunder I hear now
is memory or premonition.'
Is beautifully put as is the opener
if the thunder I hear now
is memory or premonition.'
Is beautifully put as is the opener