| Re: freewrite~1-10-10/11am by shadowaura |
2-Nov-03/5:30 AM |
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| Re: Thee of most shiny belt buckles by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
1-Nov-03/8:33 AM |
Love the way you lose all the discipline at the end and just blurt out what a twisted wizard he is.
Fine depiction of repression
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| Re: Small made Large by tadpole |
31-Oct-03/6:34 AM |
Some nice lines 'not even a clark' 'won't fill a cup'
Not sure the poem hangs together though, loose ended like a hydra.
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| Re: exploration of entirety by skaskowski |
31-Oct-03/6:32 AM |
I think the alliteration loses its power as it is overdone.
Stapled/disabled rhyme sounds a bit odd.
I like the second verse, and the third verse (although v3 took a few rereads).
Yep overall pretty good, lively.
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| Re: Burn for Her by josiefiend |
30-Oct-03/3:19 PM |
the subject choice is not original; love fire/fire burns.
But nevertheless I think you writing has quite a lively voice, though somewhat archaic.
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| Re: Tiddles Breathes his Last by scitz |
29-Oct-03/3:47 PM |
Tiddles breathes his last
and then pass-
es out
Cute poem everything a haiku should be I think
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| Re: a comment on The Santa Anna's fire and red sun by Bachus |
29-Oct-03/3:13 PM |
My forecast: the climates going to change, up or down, something to do with jet streams, CFC's.
Good poem by the way
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| Re: a comment on EarthWaterAir - Hey! Look! IM MR FIRE! by Y2kSlamPoet |
29-Oct-03/12:51 PM |
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He's not still wearing dresses is he, I don't think it appropriate to his gender.
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| Re: a comment on EarthWaterAir - Hey! Look! IM MR FIRE! by Y2kSlamPoet |
29-Oct-03/12:40 PM |
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Didn't SD used to be a she?
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| Re: a comment on Belgium and rose tears by SupremeDreamer |
29-Oct-03/12:12 PM |
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what is it pretending to be?
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| Re: The Picture by Butterfly1120 |
29-Oct-03/12:10 PM |
Don't just say 'vivid dreams' 'memories flashing.
Tell!
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| Re: Love by EouSou |
29-Oct-03/12:07 PM |
'Making love to grow a child' is a rather interesting line, seems so unsentimental.
Then 'two peoples hearts grow twice the size' is unabashedly OTT romantic.
Two nice lines but somewhat at odds I think.
The bit about life a single moment is a bit trite, what comes before it does not convince.
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| Re: a comment on EarthWaterAir - Hey! Look! IM MR FIRE! by Y2kSlamPoet |
29-Oct-03/11:41 AM |
I thought you'de have higher than a virtually dead middle IQ of 107, maybe you are joking, never know with you.
Still what is this great IQ that Supreme The Dreamer has been claiming?
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| Re: comment-ary by nentwined |
28-Oct-03/7:23 AM |
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could be about poemranker
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| Re: a comment on Experimental Robot Questionaire by horus8 |
28-Oct-03/7:22 AM |
Exactly what I thought about, the turing tests.
The computer being examined as human having been created by disney.
Oh I so love their cute humour
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| Re: The Right to Life by Retaliate |
28-Oct-03/7:15 AM |
Good, like the flow of the haikus.
They are haiku in spirit as well as syllable.
The argument in the last three verses loses discipline though.
None of those would stand up as a single haiku.
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| Re: leaving by windlessbreez |
28-Oct-03/7:10 AM |
this is too generic, perhaps if you wrote something more creative a title would jump out at you (and the reader).
The style is pretty good/ readable in both your poems I think.
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| Re: Shadows by tori |
25-Oct-03/9:19 AM |
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cute circularity, fascinating like the telletubies
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| Re: every moment will soon be memory by calliope |
24-Oct-03/11:41 AM |
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Nice idea, you can hear the pensive voice in the last three words
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| Re: Three Fall by <~> |
24-Oct-03/12:55 AM |
'And I wonder
if the thunder I hear now
is memory or premonition.'
Is beautifully put as is the opener
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