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every moment will soon be memory (Free verse) by calliope somehow
stretching two more seconds
of ecstasy
from one disappearing kiss
seems
so
silly...
Up the ladder:
The United Face of Totally Grody
Down the ladder:
CHRISTMAS EVERYDAY
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.75
Posted: October 23, 2003 9:20 PM PDT; Last modified: October 23, 2003 9:20 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.201706 Overall Rank: 4540 Comments:
[7]
Bill Z Bub @ 24.43.48.67
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23-Oct-03/9:46 PM
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Reply
I like the title very much. But the ellipses must go, imho.
I was hoping for slippery tan hips and less pip.
I can appreciate a sober thought expressed clearly and simply. Agree with Bill though, the elipse is pointless.
Nice idea, you can hear the pensive voice in the last three words
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