| Re: The Negro by Everyone |
21-Apr-04/4:10 PM |
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Good God Lydia, I know you lean towards the right, but giving this -10- is taking things a little far!
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| Re: eva by samgon |
21-Apr-04/3:51 PM |
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make your topography mine? Is that from the geographer's book of seduction.
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| Re: a comment on pain like mine by xunitedx |
21-Apr-04/2:16 PM |
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| Re: a comment on The Conqueror Worm by zodiac |
21-Apr-04/2:15 PM |
why are you so obnoxious holdstill?
and why do you give high marks to the least adept poems?
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| Re: innocent voyeur by nentwined |
20-Apr-04/1:29 AM |
'the faces noeone sees' nope - you see them for a start and I am assuming the situation is public view so so do a lot of other people.
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| Re: forgetful dyke by elizabethann |
17-Apr-04/11:04 AM |
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It is OK, relating of a fairly meaningless but nevertheless charming story. By the way unless your mum is a soul reever I very much doubt she 'brought you to life'.
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| Re: The Idea of Fusion at the Beach (After Wallace Stevens) by coffeespoons |
17-Apr-04/10:53 AM |
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Well written, has a nice feel. I am left a little confused by the ending. You go from language as fire to language as soft stanzas to language as the wind.
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| Re: Severed Arm by jessicazee |
13-Apr-04/7:09 AM |
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Quite good really, the language could be more punchy, but that is my only criticism.
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| Re: Ballad for a bad Irish accent by zodiac |
13-Apr-04/7:06 AM |
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very good, agree with shuushin about s3 though.
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| Re: ex by TheLegacy |
13-Apr-04/7:02 AM |
5 syllables - 7 syllables - 5 syllables.
You don't have to stick to such a structure but the fact you did the numbers with words suggests a misconception.
The idea is ok but would be better as a throw away line not an entire poem.
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| Re: in perspective by That One |
13-Apr-04/7:00 AM |
The capitalisation is odd.
The pace is what you seem to be going for, but it does seem a bit cobbled together.
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| Re: self indulgent teenage-style poem needed to spew out. by Roisin |
12-Apr-04/1:45 PM |
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nice, but metaphors are supposed to track and flames burning out do not leave poison behind.
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| Re: Are Gays From Uranus by scitz |
5-Apr-04/9:50 AM |
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I thought you were religious. It is hell dear boy, hell!
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| Re: Leaves, hope and dreams by aliena |
1-Apr-04/9:56 AM |
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The title reminds me of that panda gangsta book - eats shoots and leaves.
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| Re: a comment on Municipal park by richa |
1-Apr-04/9:13 AM |
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| Re: Twilight Affair by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
1-Apr-04/8:48 AM |
yes, the bridge line is the best, opera of obscenities is kind of disturbing.
You could always try writing a poeme that did not involve smoking a cigarette.
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| Re: Astronomical by DeadtotheWorld |
1-Apr-04/8:38 AM |
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Could do with being shortened, would help to manage the rhythm.
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| Re: Mariana by wilco |
1-Apr-04/8:20 AM |
Some of the similes and metaphors, because they are not extended through the poeme, can be confusing.
Some interesting ones though.
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| Re: hands by New Life Drug |
1-Apr-04/8:14 AM |
The repetition is a bit odd.
Like 'love with the right amount of personification' and pockets in hands'
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| Re: Finest Hour by creedclay |
1-Apr-04/8:12 AM |
Nature could create a bird flying free. Only man could create the window.
A bit drawn out the sentiment here, you have five lines to say the bird has free will.
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