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forgetful dyke (Free verse) by elizabethann I went out to dinner with my parents last night
A Mexican restaurant of their choice
I caught their looks when I came down
Their disapproving stares at my baggy jeans,
my black beanie and my chain wallet
No one can accept me, not even the woman
who brought me to life
The restaurant was packed on a Saturday night
so I got all their stares, too
I went outside right away
for a cigarette
And then, ever the gentleman,
I hid my Marlboro's under my napkin
so my parents wouldn't have to stare
at cancer all night
Dinner was uneventful, but the music was good
I didn't speak to them, but tipped the
guitar player $10
$10 that I will need for more cigarettes because
in all my kindess,
I forgot
mine
under my napkin.
Up the ladder:
Your silhouette still drinks at my table
Down the ladder:
Actor
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.7
Posted: April 14, 2004 8:29 PM PDT; Last modified: April 14, 2004 8:31 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.85 Overall Rank: 1580 Comments:
Your parents suck blended cock milkshakes.
Yes.
They certainly do.
Haha! Good one!
MEDIOCRITY CHECKLISTE [_] AABB rhyming scheme [_] Arbitrary indentation [X] Arbitrary line breaks [X] Clerical errors [_] Ellipses used overabundantly [_] Lower case only [_] Internet shorthand / emoticons [_] Repetition of a word or phrase ad nauseam [X] Devoid of rhyme [X] Devoid of other linguistic embellishments (alliteration, etc) [X] Devoid of other literary devices (metaphor, synaesthesia, etc) [X] Devoid of wondrous or fantastical imagery [X] About drugs [_] About romantic love [_] About suicide or self-mutilation [_] About writing [_] Cliched imagery (tears falling like rain, angel in heaven) [_] Cliched rhymes (love/above, heart/apart) [_] Sounds like dialogue in a fantasy novel [X] Melodramatic [_] Autobiographical but in the third person [_] Concerns the author's social pastimes [_] Leaving rant [_] Vicarious wish fulfilment [_] Pointedly unanswered questions [_] Smugly-named protagonist [X] Sanctimonious [_] Untitled [_] Gushingly religious [_] Obsessed with femininity [X] Rage against the machine [X] Self-obsessed -11-
Well.
I like it.
wait, you forgot one.
Author has "angel" in his/her name.
cute - enjoyable vignette.
Grazie.
Odds are you'll go from SMOKING TO CUTTING TO THE CANNERY. I've never seen any one describe smoking in a more exquisitely neither here nor there way ever. That deserves a fucking three. here's an idea... take your wallet chain and hang yourself from it with an entire pack of cigarettes puffing away from your twat... maybe that'll get your ten bucks back and a mustache ride from the mariachi with the guitar, and your dad to buy you a life...
If you didn't have some image of curt cobain wedged so far up your ass that you can vaguely here the muddy banks of the wishka eminating from your eyebrow piercing I bet you'd be even fucking COOLER?
Well aren't you rude. At least I got a three, could be worse. I really don't believe that your suggestion to hang myself with my chain wallet was necessary at all. Actually, the guitar player was white .. and I believe most of the playlist consisted of Tom Petty songs.
Kurt Cobain .. hate the guy, honestly. And I don't have an eyebrow piercing. Yet. I am cool. Get over it.
Don't you know when you've been zinged?! TO THE MAX?!?!?!?!?! You couldn't possibly be cooler than horus8. He is a latchkey street poete raised on poptarts and jew semen.
And despite the fact that nearly all of his poetry is a series of furious sex-obsessed rants that make no fucking sense, it's about three billion times more enjoyable to read than your limp sanctimonious nonsense. You're like a sweating nude crotch that inexplicably parades itself down the street, and then goes home and writes in its diary about how mean people are.
Ha. Your comment gave me a good laugh.
I like you.
It is OK, relating of a fairly meaningless but nevertheless charming story. By the way unless your mum is a soul reever I very much doubt she 'brought you to life'.
Thanks. Yes, it is fairly meaningless but I thought it was amusing. Oh and by the way, my mother is that and so much more.
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Damn.
Now I think it's depressing.