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The Idea of Fusion at the Beach (After Wallace Stevens) (Free verse) by coffeespoons
Who has not felt unease at home abroad outside, a wild haven waiting in scorching sand, And seen all this -- heaven in the bending of larches, Twitch-pitchy pines and palmettos dancing; Twelve and a half candles burning into the sun -- and not realized that this is an insane adieu. We are like fire when language takes us. Soft stanzas haunt our bones. Arriving newer than stars, we sound like nothing but the wind.


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Arithmetic Mean: 7.375
Weighted score: 5.638736
Overall Rank: 2166
Posted: April 14, 2004 7:39 PM PDT; Last modified: April 14, 2004 7:39 PM PDT
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Comments:
[9] Dan garcia-Black @ 67.122.14.162 | 14-Apr-04/7:46 PM | Reply
"we sound like nothing but the wind"
Great thought because that's our job-- to teach the wind to speak.
[6] Bachus @ 24.130.214.180 > Dan garcia-Black | 15-Apr-04/3:49 PM | Reply
Really, then why break it?
[9] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 14-Apr-04/8:17 PM | Reply
I'll grant you the ending is Stevensish - I'm reminded more of Thoreau with the rest.

And there's not too much bad about that.
[n/a] Fear of Garbage @ 156.63.85.17 | 15-Apr-04/10:37 AM | Reply
Haunting and arresting. Great first line.
[6] Bachus @ 24.130.214.180 | 15-Apr-04/3:48 PM | Reply
Jesus Creased.
[8] richa @ 81.178.233.105 | 17-Apr-04/10:53 AM | Reply
Well written, has a nice feel. I am left a little confused by the ending. You go from language as fire to language as soft stanzas to language as the wind.
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