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Leaves, hope and dreams (Free verse) by aliena Fallen leaves on the ground
Are shooed away by the wind
Sliding tumbling they go
Down the road, swishing crackling
Crunching sounds as they are crushed
By footsteps and tires
And the low rumbling thunder
reverbarating like a distant jet approaching
Mourns all things crushed and fallen
Leaves, hope and dreams
Up the ladder:
Memoirs IV
Down the ladder:
Easter Wouldn't Be Complete Without Choking Someone Out
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.125
Posted: April 1, 2004 8:57 AM PST; Last modified: April 1, 2004 9:08 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.5715003 Overall Rank: 2421 Comments:
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Luzr @ 66.213.67.10
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1-Apr-04/9:01 AM
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Whose doing the mourning? No vote for now
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aliena @ 210.214.123.137
> Luzr
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1-Apr-04/9:03 AM
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Good question. LOL It is the thunder actually, but when I reread the poem, I see your point.. it could be the jet too. I am thinking of how to make it more clear....
[7]
zodiac @ 67.240.192.231
> aliena
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1-Apr-04/9:11 AM
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There is no jet in this poem, only something compared to a jet. Probably thunder. What's weird is people usually say it the other way around - a jet sounds like distant thunder - not, that thunder sounds exactly like a jet. More importantly, why a jet, anyway? Were you just trying to think of something that thunder sounds like? You should consider whether it adds any meaning to the poem to have a jet brought in - rather than, say, a guy swinging a big piece of sheet metal, or a giant faraway shovel turning enormous amounts of earth. I think the approaching jet could mean something, but you don't give us any idea what. And you might want to check your spelling on reverberating. There, I just made it easy for you.
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aliena @ 210.214.123.137
> zodiac
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1-Apr-04/9:24 AM
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Thanks. I edited in haste and so mispelled "reverberating" :-(. The situation is like this. It is thundering sporadically outside and it kind of reminds me of an approaching plane. Maybe I should remove that whole line...
Oh yes how beautiful. I often think it's very sad that we indiscriminately tred on dead leaves, crushing all their hopes and dreams. You know it doesn't really matter who does the mourning - everyone has their own interpretation, and opinions are what really matters. Besides, it's profoundly silly either way. Mourning what? Stepping on dead leaves? What in Sodomy were you thinking!? Thanks, -10-
LOL, too true.
thanks. I agree with you about interpretation. Mourning dead leaves? LOL never thought of that!! Interesting... Actually, I was flattering myself that the thunder was mourning my crushed dreams!! [along with the fallen leaves of course] Or maybe it is mourning all mankind's disappointments.... I guess I am raving a little bit today...
The title reminds me of that panda gangsta book - eats shoots and leaves.
lol
LOL :-)
Let them talk. I like some of these images.
hey aliena, good descriptors - now you just need to say something with them.
i think it should just be called "leaves"
thanks fr the suggestion... I had orignally considered fallen leaves, but leaves is better
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