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New Years Eve, 1999 (Free verse) by wilco
On the banks of the river a cool breeze blows in the general direction of the bright city lights. Upon the eve of a new year I see the crumbling silhouette of a drunken misecreant stumbling past the Pyramid. He weaves slowly westward toward the cobblestone street to find a warm bed and a dry place to doze. The storm on the horizon leads to the assumption that the never-ending fiesta soon will move indoors. I reflect upon my fortune in this time of renewal and move slowly downward to the cold city streets. The white blanket of hope that caresses the neon lights seems to call only to me and two young lovers embracing. They stumble past the alleyways in a not so subtle attempt to make it back home before the sun shines again. But in the bowels of this city, beneath the jubilation, there lie many who feel no more than that which is forced. And high above this thoroughfare in an unilluminated pane, a woman stands weeping for the year that has passed her by. Quietly to avoid detection, I move into the shadows of the aged hotel and speak softly to the fowl. "Theres the spirit, on Beale, of an old Blues musician who never made a record, and never played a show." "That will not be me, duck." I will be the antithesis of the broken souls who wander these streets. And as the unblinking eyes of the gargantuan bridge stare unheeding into my psyche, I cannot help but smile. There are many fleeting moments in a life such as this but this is one that will stay etched forever in my mind.

Up the ladder: Funeral of My Childhood

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 7.125
Weighted score: 5.5715003
Overall Rank: 2430
Posted: March 17, 2004 5:51 PM PST; Last modified: March 17, 2004 5:51 PM PST
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Comments:
[9] Fear of Garbage @ 156.63.85.17 | 18-Mar-04/8:42 AM | Reply
when I first started reading this, I really like it. I think it flouders midway but regains it's strengh towards the end. there are a few lines that bother me though, especially in the last stanza. I was expecting something that would floor me, but all I got was something that sounded like you gave up. Also, if you revise this, please take the word "etched" out the last stanza. maybe that was what ruined it. I'm giving it a 9 anyway.
[n/a] wilco @ 24.176.102.131 > Fear of Garbage | 18-Mar-04/3:03 PM | Reply
Hmmmmmm. You think it sounds like I gave up? Well, you may be right. It was supposed to be the realization that there is a new year ahead...full of possibility. Still, the word etched does kind of bring it down, as you mentioned. It WAS written when I was 20 years old. Perhaps it does need revision...I'll think on it...thanks.
[9] Fear of Garbage @ 156.63.85.17 > wilco | 23-Mar-04/9:09 AM | Reply
When you were 20? That's no excuse. How old are you now? Don't you revise old things before you post them again? I wouldn't trust my poems from a year or two ago.
[n/a] wilco @ 24.176.102.131 > Fear of Garbage | 23-Mar-04/1:21 PM | Reply
I'm 25 now and it is hard to revise (at least for me) mainly because I have trouble going back to the place where I was when I wrote it and everything that I come up with to change it sounds too forced.
[9] Fear of Garbage @ 156.63.85.15 > wilco | 24-Mar-04/7:08 AM | Reply
that does make more sense when you explain it. i guess i was just being a bitch
[n/a] wilco @ 24.176.102.131 > Fear of Garbage | 24-Mar-04/1:41 PM | Reply
lol. No problem...you ARE somewhat right. ;)
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 163.1.146.114 | 18-Mar-04/12:00 PM | Reply
I like the way you have used arbitrary line breaks to turn ordinary prose into stilted poetry.
[3] fuzzylogicisatwat @ 195.92.198.71 | 18-Mar-04/1:08 PM | Reply
A shitter poem I could not hope to find,
even if I could lick my own behind.
[n/a] wilco @ 24.176.102.131 > fuzzylogicisatwat | 18-Mar-04/8:46 PM | Reply
Do you mean shittier?
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