poemranker ::Severed Arm by jessicazee

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 96804

Severed Arm

Member since 2002 · Posted 12 Apr 2004 · 4 comments

I was there the day you lost your arm. Sometimes I hear your scream from a neighborhood child, piercing and ripe with terror and shock. As I ate cheesecake in the break room, you fulfilled the tasks of our job. You waited too long. I saw your eyes for a moment, and I grew ten feet, then cowered behind a box of boxes, unable to be human, just a twitch. I wanted to tell you I tried to help, my hands felt gone, too, dialing 911 with my forearm. The blood. When I thought it was safe to emerge, an arm was handed to me like an entree, My head hit the red floor. I never saw you again but I heard you lived. I'm sorry I wore your apron.

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mean 4.75 weighted 4.97 rank 8445 views 221 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

4 comments

[5] deleted user 12-Apr-04/4:54 PM Reply
More short story than poem. That's not say it is not a good story. It's an episode that would make a good poem.
[8] richa 13-Apr-04/7:09 AM Reply
Quite good really, the language could be more punchy, but that is my only criticism.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 13-Apr-04/7:50 AM Reply
I'd like to see a greater emphasis on the apron and less about your emotions.
[n/a] jessicazee › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 13-Apr-04/1:48 PM Reply
thanks for the comments, guys!