Re: Farm animals by INTRANSIT	1-Jun-06/1:40 PM
Just a hint of pride there? Good work, my friend - best of luck as well.
Re: Descendent by MacFrantic	1-Jun-06/10:01 AM
If it's any consolation, I got the play in the title. I'd have preferred it if the second line in every couplet hadn't been so brief - very jarring as it is, and line 2 - 'see' was far too colloquial for the child of a goddess. Still, it has an immensely apocalyptic feel to it.
Re: a comment on "The Sound of the Blade" by Dark Moor by D. $ Fontera	1-Jun-06/9:56 AM
Fair enough, I just assumed the title was a picture that you'd used as inspiration.
Re: a comment on Herencia Latina by Ranger	1-Jun-06/9:40 AM
I gathered it's been quiet recently. A shame really, when I left people were starting to talk again. I had to take the time out to revise though, there wasn't really any other option. All done now though, so I'll have the time to liberally sprinkle comments, useful or not, all over peoples' lovingly-tended work. Lune was entirely intentional but I'll wait to see what other people think before giving the game away with this one. Glad you like it, I could do with having a bit of poetic fun now.
Re: I WANT TO BE THE PRESIDENT! by mindsigns	1-Jun-06/9:33 AM
Amusing, presumably accurate. Loved the combination of big red buttons and foreign suppers. 'Airforce One spells FUN FUN FUN!'...heh...
Re: Seizures by Sunny	1-Jun-06/6:13 AM
Made me think of an elderly yet defiant lady (old pictures, 'tired again', porcelain etc.) perhaps having just had an operation on her eyes ('sky strained of all fogged impurities'). Alternatively it could be someone who's just died after a long illness and is seeing the world clearly as a spectre. *reads comments* Okay, so I was half right. You bring good description to it - is it important to you that we see it as someone young talking? If so, it needs to be just a little clearer. 'I am tired again as the sun waltzes over my head making a bow' is utterly gorgeous. Possibly my favourite line of recent times.
Re: a comment on Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	1-Jun-06/5:50 AM
That would be your haemorrhoids crawling up your throat and out of your mouth.
Re: a comment on Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	1-Jun-06/5:48 AM
Cheers, it's good to see you about again!
Re: Painkillers for Fun by Sunny	1-Jun-06/5:45 AM
Having missed a few weeks' worth of posts, I'll have to take some time out to work through your recent ones. Small nitpicks: line 20 - sun's 'blinked' is awkward where it is. I had to pause to work out if you meant it as a verb, or if it was an adjective (as in 'blinkered'). I assume it's as a verb, in which case I'd put it at the end of the previous line for clarity. 'these disengaged thoughts' - personally I'd leave either 'these' or 'disengaged', it's a bit cumbersome at the moment. 'White pupils'...? Next: I really enjoyed the scene this painted - you bring in a lot of hospital imagery (clouds = sheets/curtains, sun's light = spotlight above bed etc. etc. etc.) and convey the helplessness well. Opening stanza = fantastic, use of the poppies tells us everything we need to know without being anywhere near too direct. If I may borrow from Empson, the way in which you use 'dogs' in interesting from an etymological perspective - the word has changed from being very derisive to becoming a term of affection, and in the poem, the protagonist seems to view the dogs with the same shifting perception. Was that intentional? Final point for now - I like the repeated use of 'white', but think it's too much in the final stanza (plus 'white pupils' didn't work for me). I'd have preferred it if you'd used 'white' once in each stanza after the first; it would have carried the same impact, I think, without getting too repetitive. Top poem though.
Re: dr. bowmp bowmp by FreeFormFixation	1-Jun-06/5:23 AM
Stanza 3 is absolutely glorious. I'd get rid of stanzas 4 and 8, they detract from the amusement of the rest of it. The end of stanza 4 put me in mind of Crash Test Dummies' 'Here I Stand Before Me'. Great song.
Re: have you ever by wordpainter	1-Jun-06/5:19 AM
In response to lines 1-22: 'no', and to line 24: 'yes'. Have a comb through this for spelling and punctuation; the spellcheck on Word would pick out all the errors in here, I believe. I suppose it stays fairly true to the title, but you'd do better to pick one of the images here (lines 7-8 or 9 would be good ones) and just write about that specific idea. 8 because you've had about a million views and no votes or comments yet.
Re: Descartes' Immortal Truth by Edna Sweetlove	1-Jun-06/5:14 AM
Last line goes on a bit. A bit overwritten ('What truth!'). Not bad though.
Re: An unfinished lyric by thepinkbunnyofdoom	1-Jun-06/5:10 AM
'Cue'. Decent rhymes without being overly inventive. I really liked the first stanza and the first half of stanza two. I'd like to see this complete, for sure.
Re: "The Sound of the Blade" by Dark Moor by D. $ Fontera	1-Jun-06/5:07 AM
Sort of Achilles' comprehending, but it feels very much like a gamer's poem (not a bad thing, by the way). The piece wasn't bad, but it's a dramatic poem in not-so-dramatic language. I just felt that it was the sort of poem which is designed to be over-written. Still fairly enjoyable.
Re: plugs by 7!3	1-Jun-06/5:03 AM
Great opener, I like the simplicity of this - gentle and fragmented like falling asleep. Question with lines 8 and 9 - 'I listen to/if you're gone..' makes no grammatical sense, unless 'if you're gone' is a song you're referring to (in which case you need to show that), which didn't quite fit right with you falling asleep. Not at all bad though.
Re: A naughty strumpet by John Rambo	1-Jun-06/4:58 AM
This is pretty much the ultimate limerick. Taboo no longer exists.
Re: Belle Melange/The Curse of Millhaven by lmp	1-Jun-06/4:47 AM
Wow, you guys really know how to lord it up while I'm away. 4 comments in the top 20? Anyway This is super-cool, particularly in the way you keep in touch with the lyricism of the quatrain (rather than going all-out poetic) and the whole piece feels very bluesy. The rhyming is nice and strong, I don't like flow/yellow (enunciation differences in the stresses) but 'yellow' is a bastard to rhyme at the best of times. Super rhythm, and I might add that it reminded me strongly of Harry Chapin's 'Sniper'.
Re: a comment on 72 virgins (but the bitches ain't fun) by ALChemy	17-May-06/9:44 AM
Haha, I'm hoping to see a full-length version of this!
Re: 72 virgins (but the bitches ain't fun) by ALChemy	17-May-06/9:42 AM
Oh man, you tempt me away from the reams of paperwork... This made me laugh so hard, the best early birthday present I've ever had! Actually, I haven't found a song this funny since Al Yankovic parodied "Lola" (the master of parodies working from Ray Davies, the master of satire; a winning combination if ever there was one). While you folks are around there's no way I'm going to be able to keep away for long. 'Rabbi critics, they say he's justa "Sunni Cash Ho". He formed a Jihad, stupid, got whacked by some Joes'. That will remain with me forever :-D
Re: a comment on The Prodigal Daughter by Dovina	16-May-06/6:58 AM
The Dr. is an enduring legend, anyone who can emulate him deserves fair recognition.