Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Belle Melange/The Curse of Millhaven (Glosa) by lmp
(quatrain taken from "The Curse of Millhaven" by Nick Cave) "I've struck horror in the heart of this town Like my eyes ain't green and my hair ain't yellow It's more like the other way around I gotta pretty little mouth underneath all the foaming" Yes, I went to trial for a long killing spree; It took them long enough to catch me. I don't know why I couldn't stop it; It must be a part of my deranged psyche. God knows I am not really that evil, But once the word gets around People want to pin anything awry On the girl who laughs at the sky. They just don't know that I'm really out and down. I've struck horror in the heart of this town. So you see I'm a little bit depressed. It's no wonder with all of the stress: I've a daddy who says he'll always love me As he slides his filthy hand beneath my dress. My mother must know there's something goin' on. She'll probably leave us for some other fellow But first I wish she'd try to stop him. I hate his awful hands and his foul whiskey grin! Everyone will tell you just to go with the flow, Like my eyes ain't green and my hair ain't yellow. Not many would believe it's a curse to be pretty; The attention can drive you more than crazy. When a girl is plain, townsfolk can be mean; To me they're as pleasant as they can be. I sometimes wish that I'd get fat and ugly But instead I'll kill off the whole damn town. Why should I change to keep my sanity When I can remove the problem permanently? They say that my reasoning is not very sound. It's more like the other way around. I was found guilty on all murderous accounts But I saw a chance to live and I pounced. A coy smile and a wink to the pompous young judge Spared me death when my insanity was announced. To a home for the criminally insane I went Where I was locked up with screaming and moaning. I'm sustained on a diet of mood altering pills To deny me the pleasure of my bloody thrills. No doubt some day I'll once again be roaming: I gotta pretty little mouth underneath all the foaming.

Up the ladder: It Is
Down the ladder: The Dung Beetles

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00

Arithmetic Mean: 8.0
Weighted score: 5.1422777
Overall Rank: 5495
Posted: May 31, 2006 10:02 AM PDT; Last modified: April 10, 2012 11:53 AM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
[9] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 1-Jun-06/4:47 AM | Reply
Wow, you guys really know how to lord it up while I'm away. 4 comments in the top 20?

Anyway

This is super-cool, particularly in the way you keep in touch with the lyricism of the quatrain (rather than going all-out poetic) and the whole piece feels very bluesy. The rhyming is nice and strong, I don't like flow/yellow (enunciation differences in the stresses) but 'yellow' is a bastard to rhyme at the best of times. Super rhythm, and I might add that it reminded me strongly of Harry Chapin's 'Sniper'.
[n/a] lmp @ 141.154.134.3 > Ranger | 1-Jun-06/3:38 PM | Reply
as you may or may not know, this is a song, and i guess it kinda bluesy, but it really is faster paced. on an album entitled "Murder Ballads".

yeah, that "flow" line was tough, because the following line starts with "Like" and ends with "yellow". as you said, tough to rhyme with yellow, but i found the real challeng was to make something out of th phrase from the original quatrain. i guess the way i saw it was that you could replace "Like" with "As if" to get a sarcastic meaning and the two lines sort of work together. so:
just take it all in stride as if you aren't pretty and getting all sorts of unwanted attention.

i will have to check out "Sniper".

thanks for the comment, glad you liked.
[9] Ranger @ 2.97.62.69 > lmp | 22-Jun-12/3:40 PM | Reply
I did not know back then, but guess what? I do now. He's much better when he's in a bloodthirsty mood.

In truth I can't remember how this was originally. Did you change much?
[n/a] lmp @ 141.154.134.3 | 1-Jun-06/3:39 PM | Reply
oops.... saw a mistake in the last line: i left out the word "little". i guess i will edit and lose the vote. feel free to re-vote, Ranger! heh
[7] Caducus @ 86.141.200.125 | 2-Jun-06/6:25 AM | Reply
Opening 2 lines of S3 are the thorn in this, other than that it holds together in a frayed kinda way.
[n/a] lmp @ 141.154.134.3 > Caducus | 2-Jun-06/8:37 AM | Reply
thanks, Cadacus. could you elucidate further? i would like to polish this because it feels a little rough to me, but i cannot put my finger on exactly what it is...
[7] Caducus @ 86.141.200.125 > lmp | 2-Jun-06/9:24 AM | Reply
its like a gay beach - too many but-ts.

Just needs a trim, my creative spirits aint good today.
[n/a] lmp @ 141.154.134.3 > Caducus | 2-Jun-06/3:05 PM | Reply
revised. good suggestion, irregardless of bad spirits.
[8] Skamper @ 124.181.76.40 | 9-Jun-12/4:50 AM | Reply
excuse my ignorance....but isn't this already a poem/ballad? as you say by nick cave? If that's the case then what it this?
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 146.74.94.65 > Skamper | 11-Feb-13/3:57 PM | Reply
Err.. don't feel bad man, click the "Glosa" link. Apparently it's a poem formed from someone elses' work. Specifically the first four lines (quatrian) were written by Nick Cave. The rest is Imp.
1478 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001