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Seizures (Free verse) by Sunny Miniature seizures all throughout
the day and landscapes of black and white.
I am tired again as the sun waltzes over my head
making a bow. The little things: the tulips
at the store like porcelain, sky strained
of all fogged impurities, old pictures
of smiling dogs that were my Huskies,
proud and piercing, are the apparitions
I breathe deep. I don't want to be called
'delicate,' 'fragile'. I am not pregnant
nor china. I will see the sun justly in it's yellow
and will adore it...but for now I wait
for the small glories to bloom in the morning;
I am colorblind, so I will wait for the tulips
and leave this static for the weak.
Up the ladder:
Paid In Full
Down the ladder:
The Weaver's Curse
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.375
Posted: May 18, 2006 10:31 AM PDT; Last modified: May 18, 2006 10:31 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.3697944 Overall Rank: 3269 Comments:
lose a few of the and's then you have yourself a good poem
"Tulips like porcelain" is good. But seizures? How so? The last line refers to a non-weak person. How are old pictures apparitions? Otherwise, some good lines.
Glad you got the tulips like porcelain part. I am speaking of a diagnosis & how I view the world from my eyes, an inward look out, if you will. Old pictures are apparitions because they reflect ghosts in them that once lived...is this of any explanation to you Dovina??
~Sunny
Yes, but I can only comment on the poem, not your explanation of it.
Sounds good. I have no idea what it means.
Thanks for commenting on the fact that you think it sounds good. It's about a diagnosis, & how I saw the world at that moment...however, in the end, it sends off with an up note stating I will leave that gloom 'for the weak'. ~Sunny
My brother suffers seizures so I see where your coming from. Caducus is right, losing some of the ands will make this better.
Never had a seizure, so I don't know..it sounds all right to me (the poem, not having seizures).
Made me think of an elderly yet defiant lady (old pictures, 'tired again', porcelain etc.) perhaps having just had an operation on her eyes ('sky strained of all fogged impurities'). Alternatively it could be someone who's just died after a long illness and is seeing the world clearly as a spectre.
*reads comments* Okay, so I was half right. You bring good description to it - is it important to you that we see it as someone young talking? If so, it needs to be just a little clearer. 'I am tired again as the sun waltzes over my head making a bow' is utterly gorgeous. Possibly my favourite line of recent times.
Ranger,
I do admire your mind & the interpretation that flow out of it as well...I am a laid back individual & write flexibly enough for the wondering mind, for readers that posess such. But, no, I was speaking of my actual own life & I'm not dead yet & am only 23, although you were very right in seeing into the way this makes me feel sometimes - old, tired; I want the reader to feel, at least see that I have not made peace as an elderly person might with the side affects of their age, but rather describe it with a grey soberness, a mood that an intune reader will pick up from this poem, leading them to believe I speak of the subject as unexpected, something that isn't welcome, but still apart of me. ~Sunny 173 view(s)
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~Sunny