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Daddy's Little Girl (Free verse) by Chazie As he went to touch her face, He whispered
"how did I ever let you leave this place?"
He touched her hand
Shed a tear
Now he knows
He understands
Her lips were red
Her eyes were shut
A little pink pillow to rest her head
Her body was Silent
Her soul was gone
In her Coffin
Very content
A father without his heart in his world
A daddy without his little girl.
Up the ladder:
Just Desserts (for drnick)
Down the ladder:
Thunder
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.375
Posted: October 12, 2003 1:35 PM PDT; Last modified: October 12, 2003 1:35 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.3697944 Overall Rank: 3264 Comments:
[8]
Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177
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12-Oct-03/2:07 PM
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Reply
Touching - the ending is very sweet and unforced; well done.
I really enjoyed how you capitalized Certain words for emphasis in your poem. I found it mildly original, and passively Bold.
This poem is EXCELLENT. I cried when I read it. Everything just flows together. I give it a 10!
Well that's a fucking surprise, isn't it? Especially when you consider the fact that you have the same IP address as the author, the same age, the same gender, and you both describe yourselves as "very laid back and open-minded" people. You are either the same person, or twins, or just very close friends. Did you really cry? I mean *REALLY*? You actually started crying when you read this piece? *ACTUALLY*? YOU DEFINITELY DID ACTUALLY START CRYING? (Before you answer, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you that lying is a sin and Jesu will make you suffer like a dog if you tell a lie. Thanks) -10-
Your an animal. Be it squashed upon the road and teasing crows, an animal still, and I love you.
OMG - good work. I feel like such a dupe.
hmmpphh!!!!
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