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plugs (Free verse) by 7!3
sl ow ly carefully i close my eyes. on my side, i lay on my mattress. it's evening. i listen to if you're gone.. and realize, you're not. i think about what you've said. i try to re-call your smile. and your eyes. but it hurts to remember when i know my teacher is lying on a hospital bed that he pulled out the plugs that he might not be able anymore. everyday, i think of you: when will you call to tell us: don't worry we're going to be okay

Up the ladder: 6. Retina
Down the ladder: catastrophe

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.3333335
Weighted score: 5.0397344
Overall Rank: 7148
Posted: May 31, 2006 7:07 AM PDT; Last modified: May 31, 2006 7:07 AM PDT
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Comments:
[8] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 1-Jun-06/5:03 AM | Reply
Great opener, I like the simplicity of this - gentle and fragmented like falling asleep. Question with lines 8 and 9 - 'I listen to/if you're gone..' makes no grammatical sense, unless 'if you're gone' is a song you're referring to (in which case you need to show that), which didn't quite fit right with you falling asleep.
Not at all bad though.
[n/a] 7!3 @ 218.208.215.90 > Ranger | 2-Jun-06/3:53 AM | Reply
argh, right... that is a song.. should've shown it. sorry :)
...but glad you like it, anyway.
[8] Bethy @ 165.154.46.18 | 4-Sep-08/9:17 AM | Reply
simplistic and warm
169 view(s)




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