Re: you by diamondeyez	28-Nov-02/1:51 AM
Try coming from a different angle when writing of love, love is indefinable, everyone has different defintions, delve deep whats yours? let me taste from your creative cauldron
Re: late night activities by sooz	28-Nov-02/1:46 AM
mmmm shenanigans in the sack, great for thursday mornings, scrap that - any morning
Re: my soul i give by roxy	28-Nov-02/1:44 AM
so/so it needs identifying as a poem or lyric, try it as a lyric and wrench the heart more, as it stands its mediocre, could be good though, play with it (the poem) that is
Re: IM PISSEEDDDDDDDD by little_angel_maria	28-Nov-02/1:40 AM
friendsreunited.com
Re: Shut the fuck up and fix me a Scoobie snack. by Bachus	28-Nov-02/1:37 AM
I was reading this doing the voices and realize I must be losing it ! like your style, just to be petty this aint no haiku but heres an 7 to get fat on with your scoobie snack.
Re: a comment on two poles are better than one by <~>	27-Nov-02/9:27 AM
What do you think to the ending? if you think it sucks accept my apology, I just thought of my ex and went crazy
Re: two poles are better than one by <~>	27-Nov-02/9:25 AM
heres an ending i think rocks ! CHANGE I SPOSITIVE, CHANGE IS GOOD, NOW BACK THE FUCK OFF, YOUR BOILING MY BLOOD, YOUR NAILING ME DOWN, PUTTING THORNS IN MY CROWN, WATCH ME BLEED SLOWLY, YOUR LOVE IS DISEASE, YOUR LOVE IS UNHOLY, I CURSE THE DAY YOU'D EVER SHOWN ME, LOVE..........? got possessed for a minute their
Re: memory by Goose	27-Nov-02/6:20 AM
Yhis would be an excellent chorus, sell it to Alanis Morissette - Nice one Goose, 8 for a song 6 for a poem so heres a 7
Re: Lloyd Street Interlude by jdsnyd	27-Nov-02/6:08 AM
NEVER chuck anything away, you could be chucking $$$$ away. I think it ends how it was destined, And its got an identity now, mournful, sad, ironic, and to quote ' reflective so heres an 8
Re: Charlie by INTRANSIT	27-Nov-02/5:41 AM
Life is a goldfish bowl and we are like Charlie, hope you didnt buy him off a pikey. i always like the way you express max out minimalist.
Re: ode to bacchus by daniella	27-Nov-02/5:02 AM
tongue in what cheek?
Re: Fire And Fuck by Bonehiss	27-Nov-02/4:33 AM
I had the benefit of a few pointers you gave me on the comments page of your other work 'Another Chance'. Thanks to the background I understand this perfectly but to the uninformed it may be difficult to comment on as theirs no indication to what the addiction is, and a need to know more may be the problem. However i think its a strong piece-well done, just work with it, make a few drafts-try again and resubmit after careful edit.
Re: a comment on Lloyd Street Interlude by jdsnyd	27-Nov-02/4:05 AM
You replied - thanks noW down to business ! As it stands it needs a better conclusion, when you say in the last line 'i can look at myself again' try and add a connection, such as this.... in a shattered mirror of disfigurement. A shattered mirror is supposedly bad luck, and shattered metaphorically recognizes you as the one shattered, reflected by the cracks as a broken spirit, lots of different people of which you dont recognize any, as you changed from the pain your ex caused you. It was just one idea out of many you could create. I'm learning too, just dont want to see a good beginning have no end
Re: Check Yourself by INTRANSIT	27-Nov-02/2:30 AM
Wondered where you were, Greetings and Salutations ! I liked the vibe in this piece but take it or leave it heres a last line i think could end it..... Fuck ! life can be so acrimonious. anyway drag this 7 by the hair and drag her away.
Re: Love by xdarkxangelx24	26-Nov-02/9:48 AM
I know what the problem is can I tell you?
Re: blinded by bxjay170	26-Nov-02/9:43 AM
Pull up a chair, put your feet up, bite the end off a cuban and listen up ! I want to read your work BUT as i am reading it my flows interupted by crap spelling and i have to start again - NOT FAIR MAN ! I know some people on here get fucked off with being told they havent spelled this or that right but as poets in our own ego masichistical ways we are striving perfectionists so as i said change it and throw you my vote [[[thanks///
Re: The Epitaph by vulcan	26-Nov-02/9:38 AM
Vulcan ! This could be really good and I see you've re edited it. But....its still flawed check line 8, change the opening of line 10, take your time I f****g love beginning and end but the aforementioned's gotta get sorted.
Re: two poles are better than one by <~>	26-Nov-02/9:20 AM
not sure about the end, i can tell this is personal, made me think of feelings locked in a chrysalis, but the ending needed the butterfly and you left me cocooned in your confusion. As a thinker i get lost in whats there, whats not there and could be there. Heres a 7 for screwing my head up, and giving me an idea for the shitty bus ride ahead of me !
Re: Lloyd Street Interlude by jdsnyd	26-Nov-02/8:51 AM
This deserves more than a rush read so I'm taking this puppy and taking it for a walk inside my head. I'm interested in this give me some leads???????
Re: Maliced flame by T'ien	26-Nov-02/8:21 AM
Your a nutter, nice title ! *******************6***************