two poles are better than one

Member since 2002 · Posted 26 Nov 2002 · Edited 27 Nov 2002 · 22 comments

I try to stay mindful not sure that I can I'm feeling a pull demand, demand caution's the watchword moderation, the game everything now measured and properly named tight in this track and keeping score I have a knack for knowing more I'm seeing things and keeping silent I answer questions with a smile, and a lowered brow, a tilted stare ask another I don't care no pleasing others no getting involved no riddle answered no problem solved I'm sleeping less and thinking more I am clearer, I am sure the others miss the easy truths heavy souls, with much to lose I'm purifying cleansing deep eating raw avoiding meat drinking everything in drams wary of adulterants of slipping away I won't be stopped I need a change one that's abrupt I knew it was coming sorry you didn't so don't try to help me it's none of your business I know what I'm doing I've been here before all of this pressure too much to ignore change is positive, change is good, now back the fuck off I'm in a mood...

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22 comments

[7] Caducus 26-Nov-02/9:20 AM Reply

not sure about the end, i can tell this is personal, made me think of feelings locked in a chrysalis, but the ending needed the butterfly and you left me cocooned in your confusion. As a thinker i get lost in whats there, whats not there and could be there.
Heres a 7 for screwing my head up, and giving me an idea for the shitty bus ride ahead of me !

[n/a] <~> › Caducus 27-Nov-02/7:32 AM Reply

i have changed the last 2 stanzas. have another look?

[8] UnityMitford › <~> 27-Nov-02/8:39 AM Reply

better, but i still think the rest is stronger than the end. i'm sorry i can't be more specific. i'll try to explain it over a cold beer and a warm corpse sometime.

[7] Caducus › <~> 27-Nov-02/9:27 AM Reply

What do you think to the ending? if you think it sucks accept my apology, I just thought of my ex and went crazy

[n/a] <~> › Caducus 27-Nov-02/10:47 AM Reply

it's appropriate. if you want to scrawl it out in blood and send it to her by post, be my guest. it'll be my gift to you. happy thanksgiving to you, sirrah!

[8] Goose 26-Nov-02/10:42 AM Reply

This was wonderful

[8] <{Baba^Yaga}> 26-Nov-02/11:40 AM Reply

end with "fine" or "be", probably "be" is stronger or maybe, and then we'll see (as an added line) ah fuckit...it just left me a little wet in the vagina (blue balled) but mayhaps was the point 8.

[8] UnityMitford 26-Nov-02/12:46 PM Reply

this is amazing...until the last two stanzas. i think your ire got the better of you and you let the words get away from you a little. knowing you, you probably did it on purpose and i'm missing the point.

[n/a] <~> › UnityMitford 26-Nov-02/12:49 PM Reply

clarify please--is the first part not angry? what tone do you see, and where does it weaken?

[8] UnityMitford › <~> 26-Nov-02/12:59 PM Reply

the first part is angry, but it's more of a controlled anger, like that released on Poland back in '39. it weakens with the line "it won't be stopped." something about the timing of the rest is thrown off by this line and it doesn't fully recover (in my opinion).

[n/a] <~> › UnityMitford 26-Nov-02/1:01 PM Reply

just like poland. hmmm. i wonder if my czechoslovakian hertiage influenced me subliminally...

[8] UnityMitford › <~> 26-Nov-02/1:04 PM Reply

i think it was me influenced by your heritage

[n/a] <~> › UnityMitford 26-Nov-02/1:18 PM Reply

but, it's not about poland. it's about being bipolar.
(no, it's not about being bi in poland either.)

[1] LovingWhispers 26-Nov-02/10:30 PM Reply

LMAO.......WHAT THE ???.......YEAH WELL....YOU ASK IF "I" WATCH OPRAH......*ROLLING EYES*.....LOOK WITHIN YOUR MESSED UP PILE OF WORDS BEFORE YOU JUDGE OTHERS....AND BESIDES.....I AM POSITIVE THAT NOBODY'S FEELINGS CAN BE JUDGED,BUT IF YOU WANT TO START A TREND....THEN HEY IM FROM THE LAND WHERE PETS DONT NEED SHRINKS.....LETS GO LMAO...YOU SICK PUPPY!!! IF YOUR COMMENTS MADE ANY SENSE.....I'D BE HAPPY TO TAKE THEM IN :)I VOTE ONE FOR......UMMMMMMM........WELL COZ I'M NICE......

[n/a] <~> › LovingWhispers 27-Nov-02/6:19 AM Reply

i'm sorry, but i think you miss the point. i was looking within, and that is where this 'messed up pile of words' came from. i don't believe i was judging anybody's feelings; i am not interested in trends. as far as my comments not making sense--did you think about them at all? i mean to provoke thought when i comment on a poem. if you can find no sense in them, do not lay it on me. as for the one you gave me because you are 'nice', i fail to see the logic behind that gesture.

welcome to the site. enjoy your stay.

[7] Beaner99 27-Nov-02/8:06 AM Reply

This is great. I think the last stanza is perfect

[7] Caducus 27-Nov-02/9:25 AM Reply

heres an ending i think rocks !
CHANGE I SPOSITIVE, CHANGE IS GOOD,
NOW BACK THE FUCK OFF, YOUR BOILING MY BLOOD,
YOUR NAILING ME DOWN,
PUTTING THORNS IN MY CROWN,
WATCH ME BLEED SLOWLY,
YOUR LOVE IS DISEASE,
YOUR LOVE IS UNHOLY,
I CURSE THE DAY YOU'D EVER SHOWN ME,
LOVE..........? got possessed for a minute their

[10] Bachus 27-Nov-02/10:14 AM Reply

yep. that's the one.

[9] sliver 27-Nov-02/12:57 PM Reply

I like it. From beginning to end.
Excellently vocalized emotion. Enjoy your change.

[9] razorgrin 27-Nov-02/1:06 PM Reply

thoroughly good.

[8] INTRANSIT 27-Nov-02/2:22 PM Reply

Megadeths' "sweating bullets" comes to mind.

[n/a] god'swife 2-Dec-02/8:03 AM Reply

The last stanza's quite simple, which I think is rare for you. Perhaps everyones expecting you to be all business, and it's casual friday. It is a bit simple, but why not? I don't know, but I think if this stanza had been penned by some other, I would like it less. maybe it's just that I never get moody like that...