| Re: Silence by Cha no Onna |
3-Dec-02/2:08 AM |
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Intelligent idea here which you've dealt with well, I liked the way you sold fragility here and the end stanza and last line hit the throat - nice one *8* (try and shorten the line about the wet earth it affects the readability)
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| Re: My One True Love by Hooman |
3-Dec-02/2:02 AM |
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A bit too syrupy for me, but for your romantic self kiss a 6
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| Re: Embarrassed by Goose |
3-Dec-02/2:00 AM |
The goose has layed a golden egg !
Well done indeed BUT.........
check line 6, its cower you want now cow, or it sounds like line dancing for cows.
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| Re: There is no Happy Hour in Bakersfield, Ca. by horus8 |
3-Dec-02/1:56 AM |
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whats cleo's number horus?
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| Re: There is no Happy Hour in Bakersfield, Ca. by horus8 |
3-Dec-02/1:55 AM |
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I love the irony at the end of this it had me panting like Lassie being boned by beethoven, what i like even more though is the fact that the 'phantom' 1 voter has yet to serve up their cowardly custard and say to everyone 'I'm desperate to be loved but y'all hate my poems so I'm gonna hate yours, heres a deserved 9 to balance the books.
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| Re: Pretty Skin Deep by confuzdlilgirl |
3-Dec-02/1:18 AM |
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When I was your age I wrote in a similar style to you. I put the emphasis on rhyme rather than substance or style, your writing will mature and you wont recognize how your styles changed till 1 day you'll look over what you've written and say unto yourself 'Did I write this'?, the best advice is dont chuck anything away you may use two choice lines in a better poem, Rebecca Calvetti gave you a constructive piece of criticism, and you can still keep your individuality yet take advice on board - some good lines/bad lines here, just keep trying -5-
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| Re: Iced by debased |
2-Dec-02/9:26 AM |
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Sweet and mellifluent. But the turtles have to go (in england they mean something that rhymes with shit -oops i said it, but I quite liked this, nicely worded *7*
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| Re: battle by debased |
2-Dec-02/8:50 AM |
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I'm intrigued by the expression in this piece, noones commented, i reckon their confused, HELP !
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| Re: Afraid by LovePoet |
2-Dec-02/4:51 AM |
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The text doewsnt justify the title enough, I had no empathy for the character. Try and tell a story less predictably, give us the fear, make it more tangible, as it stands it leaves me barren of any feeling or reaction, go for it keep on trying. (will vote on a re edit)
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| Re: love song by <~> |
29-Nov-02/9:21 AM |
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| Re: Sociology of Deviance by blackball |
29-Nov-02/9:15 AM |
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Sod the dissection on the poem, i liked its vibe,and it gave me 20 seconds of entertainment so heres a 7 to jail.
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| Re: Hold Tight by casey |
29-Nov-02/8:40 AM |
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A moving eulogy, stanza 4 needs more connection, thought the ending was very true to life, work with it; see what you can do -6-
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| Re: No One Cares by Quarton |
29-Nov-02/8:20 AM |
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| Re: Clive Barker's penis pump by horus8 |
29-Nov-02/3:52 AM |
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how rude of me heres a slinky number for you *7*
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| Re: Clive Barker's penis pump by horus8 |
29-Nov-02/3:51 AM |
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horus, your a hellraiser, wonder if clive barkers got pins on his head (ouch), see the title might just work
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| Re: It's All 'Cause I Love You by Tigger8023 |
28-Nov-02/9:34 AM |
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cheesy but harmless i guess
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| Re: The Yule tide log by ==Doylum |
28-Nov-02/8:43 AM |
My mum wants to know what your doing tonight?
She then wants to papercut you to death with a copy of this, (if she can get up off her fat ass that is)
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| Re: Friend by MysticalRaven88 |
28-Nov-02/8:38 AM |
America gave us Baywatch !
It also gave us David Hasselhoff !
America gave us Star Trek
America gave us a fascinting insight on how to bury a cigar,
America gave us Cowboys
America gave us Hawaii five o and Magnum.
Thank God almighty real or not for giving us a big fuckoff ocean to seperate us,
hey guys who fucking cares theirs only 1 American I gotta problem with and he thinks Macedonias a fucking dance at a wedding.
rest, deep breath, Think of John Lennon, and congratulate each other on breaking the 'Guiness book of records' for the most comments on any poetry website ( hey if thats true melinda 50/50s fair huh?
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| Re: Pleas Dont.. by MysticalRaven88 |
28-Nov-02/8:20 AM |
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Kind of 'supermarket poetry' with the wrong price tag on it
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| Re: Longing by deadstar |
28-Nov-02/8:10 AM |
Simple poem of angst, nothing wrong with being simple my girl tells me (thats why shes with me).
[[[[[[[[[[6[[[[[[[[[[
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