| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Pretty Skin Deep (Free verse) by confuzdlilgirl She brings him on and leads the way
But a different thing happens one day
She used to have that touch and smile
That would make everyone love her wild
But then comes the familiar rejection
She looses with guys that little connection
Now its again like the past
her time with guys has moved too fast
She lost them all before she ever gained any
She don't see what's, so obvious to many
She'll make a wish that's already come true
For the beauty within to shine right through
Everyone wants to be admired and loved by all
Think if they aren't, then they will fall
She knows better then to just have vanity
Because in the real world its only reality
Beauty is within and pretty skin deep
So which one do we wish to be??
Up the ladder:
Afraid
Down the ladder:
There is no U in I but there is an S in us
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.3333335
Posted: December 2, 2002 4:33 PM PST; Last modified: December 2, 2002 4:37 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.0896473 Overall Rank: 6201 Comments:
[5]
Caducus @ 62.105.88.10
|
3-Dec-02/1:18 AM
|
Reply
When I was your age I wrote in a similar style to you. I put the emphasis on rhyme rather than substance or style, your writing will mature and you wont recognize how your styles changed till 1 day you'll look over what you've written and say unto yourself 'Did I write this'?, the best advice is dont chuck anything away you may use two choice lines in a better poem, Rebecca Calvetti gave you a constructive piece of criticism, and you can still keep your individuality yet take advice on board - some good lines/bad lines here, just keep trying -5-
Great title for a punk rock song--Why not play with it--"pretty skin deep," word sounds, word play, stream of consciousness, and see what happens when you don't concentrate on rhymes and telling a tale.
114 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
