Afraid

Member since 2002 · Posted 1 Dec 2002 · 5 comments

I'm afraid to tell what's truly in my heart, I'm afraid to tell you the doubts I've had from the start. You say you love me but I never will forget The day you left me and to her instead. You've broken my heart and I've broken yours, But I cannot help but thinking you are still her's. Is this true, is your heart not only mine? As I think this I try to sit back and not cry. I don't want my heart broken again. That's why I am afraid.

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6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

5 comments

[2] Quarton 1-Dec-02/9:03 PM Reply

I suggest you try reading poetry by
Whitman, Blake, Thomas (Dylan), Frost and others. I also think you should try writing in free verse as your rhyming words are forced which is a common problem. The old masters made it look easy but it isn't. Good luck.

[n/a] <{Baba^Yaga}> › Quarton 2-Dec-02/12:34 AM Reply

i think that could by her problem...she needs plath.

[n/a] Caducus 2-Dec-02/4:51 AM Reply

The text doewsnt justify the title enough, I had no empathy for the character. Try and tell a story less predictably, give us the fear, make it more tangible, as it stands it leaves me barren of any feeling or reaction, go for it keep on trying. (will vote on a re edit)

[n/a] god'swife 2-Dec-02/7:40 AM Reply

Don't tell us somuch how you feel. Tellus what happened, you know, what the day was like, the color of his shoes, anything. If you show us what happened we'll know how you feel. Good Luck.

[10] Hallmark 9-May-05/5:30 PM Reply

Brilliant!
Smell my fear