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love song (Concrete) by <~> .
How
she
shrieked
when
I
first
laid
my
eager
hands
on her
Would
I ever
please
her as
she now
thrilled
me? When I
first caught sight
of her, I wanted her
for my own. Enchanted by
her golden complexion, her
slender neck that angled back
just so... her seductive curves
and the way she pouted just a
little in the middle: gentle swell
of belly and a perfect curve
behind, set afire: undulating,
seducing me. I longed to
hold her, to feel her
weight on me, to turn
her this way and
that: to handle
her gently. I'd
stroke her so she'd
sing only for me, in her
own sweetly timbered tones.
I ran my hands over her frame,
traced her f-hole with the tip of
my finger, and cradled her in my
arms. I pressed her to my chest,
and stroked and plucked and drew her
out. Though she seemed too tightly
strung, I eased into her, softly.
I tempered my desire for speed,
and patiently sought to learn
what she might need so that
she would, in time. give
me all that I wanted,
all I dreamed.
Up the ladder:
A prayer for my mum
Down the ladder:
My Day Off
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.42
Posted: August 15, 2002 12:07 PM PDT; Last modified: August 16, 2002 11:13 AM PDTWeighted score: 6.4199967 Overall Rank: 754 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
[10]
Bachus @ 24.126.113.154
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15-Aug-02/1:14 PM
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Reply
Do you play? I am troubled by the shape of things to come. You may start an un-nerving trend amongst the others. Normally I hate art, but music. Yes, that's different, and pleasuring the lotus. Ahhh. Fuck! I broke my F-hole. Damnit that's going to be expensive.
Writer of triangle poems, this sets a new precedence. You could have easily spiraled right down the drain here, but instead you somehow make this thing work on at least three levels. If the cello is not one of the most sensual instruments around, it is now.
Levels schmevels. Haven't you seen The Witches of Eastwick? How could anything be more sensual than Jack Nicholson and some stupid bird playing cello/violin?
i like that show. do not put others down for something you do not like. everyone has there own way od doing and writing and it shoulb be respected and not put down.
Look at the shape Dark Master. It has a top, middle and fate bottom. Three levels, like a mega shopping mall. It even has a butt. And maybe that is Jack's secret to lulling in the 20-something girls at his age. On the other hand, maybe it is his perky love poems. Maybe he writes them all in heart shapes.
fun with shapes!!! fun with shapes!!! it's not meant to be serious, except maybe to seriously stir things up. shape poems remind me of making paperchains with construction paper--just don't eat too much paste. so, it's a silly shape, with a little naughtiness thrown in for good measure. it's been a while, so a body gets to thinking...musical instruments notwithstanding. man, i'm almost sorry i started this. almost. all in good fun, lads. and i hardly consider myself a 'mature poet'. by the variety of stuff i am posting here one might postulate that i am experimenting. you see, when you are a -=Dark_ master, you don't have to stick to form; you can break it to make your point. and what a fine upright point has been made there. nice and thick. i'm sure p&k is all-over jealous: a triangle, and now a violin for me, and, for the master, a sturdy flesh obelisk. "ce n'est pas une pipe." go team!
I wasn't implying that you are a 'mature poet'. I was being ironic in suggesting that 'Dickensian' was mature, when, in fact, it clearly is not mature. And what's all this about 'breaking it up'? I've got the odd extra space here and there to make things fit, and there's a natural gap at the bottom where the testicles live, but surely that's all fine and dandy?
I just re-read my poeme and realised it could easily be interpreted as mocking you/your poeme. It wasn't meant that way. It was meant to be only self-referential. I thought this poeme was qvite good, and cello-shaped. O Jesu what have I done...
no, i think it was Frass who referred to the "the 'mature' poets and phlegm hockers" , and i figured he was drawing a line between us. i don't recall any phlegm poems from you, (which seems a shame), although he has praised what i have posted on the site. (he even called 'white harvest' dickensian, of which you surely were aware when you titled your 'piece.') glad i have fans. that's not why i do it. the mishapen business--the way you trailed it off at the end... i did not think you were mocking me; i thought you were tongue-in-cheeking the form.
well why don't we stage a love in, i lkie you and you like me
do like the poem though so can i be included, or do i have to sit at the edge looking in like the charcoal faced kids at school
It's your love-in. Do whatever the fuck you want. But I hope you don't expect a gentleman like me to join your vulgar peasant frolickry.
you and zzinnia appeared to have already started a love in my dear jo, but your right I mustn't encroach, your little stubs may get damaged and then how l33t would you be
Look d3w3 i am so fucken l33t nothin u can say will change that. i am r0xX0r1Ng ur a$$ all day long haha lol u n00b!!!
but zzinnia i could be nasty too. Give me a chance, i know i'm only a northern lug, but i don't mean well. Why am i not worthy mother i did all the things you said still they reject me
anyhoo... (what a mistake to read the chat first)... just want to say that this poem made me smile... wide. 8/10
It is back! "How she" seems of center. Like the poem begins out of tune. And I don't care what the others say, I think it is might pretty.
"off center" not "of center". I was so excited my typing was warped.
morning z.. care for tennis? anyone. I got too drunk on red wine this morning and gave away my bach-assian identity to the kid from kansas...can you forgive me. i can't! anyway, love the art...i was thinking maybe we could do a whole book on the "shape of things to come" i wish i could come, but alas this town has even stolen that fluid from within. straw toting bastards suck until they purge themselves of mother. oh..brother. I will have to go make another dianyssian lover.o
Well writer of triangle and cello poems, i am always available for a poetic tryst. That is unless you are really the DARK ANGEL.
Maybe, writer of triangle poems, bachus, dark angel are all out of the mind of hours8. hmmmm.
hardly you twit...d.a doesn't get drunk and make mistakes like me, and if you really 'read' our writing you would kick yourself for implying such a farce...no, d.a does have quite a few secret names, but i'm not gonna fuck up twice this morning so...you'll have to crack that fortune cookie on your own, he/she(i wish he was a she, but the writing reeks of an a-sexual man) z's writing is femme and vaginal, my writing is over the top, phallic bisexual, and d.a is neutralishly acute borderline sociopathic, all very seperate...yet distinctive...where does that leave razorgrin...well in the land of shaskowski.. i think, but...who knows..after all we're writers not mind readers!
-=Dark_Angel=- does not have an alter ego. In fact, some might say he has quite the reverse...
Thanks for the clarification. I am sorry I sent you in such a rage that you fucked up. I hope that you will not do that again. Frankly, it is cute and probably good practice for your lame attempt at an acting career. It is what a champion poet does. Break down the opposition and make them crack. And you did. And you did. So really, who is the twit and cow fucker, Mr. Hollywood? So Taos is out. Bummer. That is where the true champions meet on the stage.
first off, i never called you a "cow fucker", cow fucker...secondly an aquaintance of mine mr. kilmer happens to be a resident of taos and i frequent his ranch often with my son...secondly go to gangbox...see me "acting" next to beverly d'angelo w/ a diet coke in her hand (in brief encounters a short that i not only wrote, acted in, and directed, but spent a great deal of energy putting into motion...people from all over the country come out here to swing at the profession of acting (i connected), but lo and behold the majority of them find themselves acting next to rob lowe with a dildo in his hand(it hurt him more than it hurt me). but not i...nay...i am a man of many talents sir, and i spend a great deal of time not only as mr.hollywood, but also as mr. manhatten, and mr. mom, and writing lyrics for bands such as 'smash mouth'(i hate em too) and 'cake', and placeibo not to mention the fact that i play a wide range of instruments and am doing a movie with jon voight in september which is why i have ' the money', 'the time' and the patience to deal with an imposter like you. i si,r will have you know, am a 'life artist', and i prefer to spend my time building people up...not tearing them down...not that you have anything worth tearing down i'm just stating a fact. heir.gifthorse.tampon.hemophelia.w
horus8 has never been to taos, never been to kilmer's ranch, HAS NEVER EVER WRITTEN a song for anyone but me, ha! ha! he hasn't left his home in years, and most assuredly is doing no movie with jon voight...he is a sick..sick bastard, and on his way out. out the window with a pillow case full of model glue and sprite. a filthy liar..a true mother fucker! we're planning a coup de ta..soon we will assimilate 'vagina' the three legged pigeon..victory will be ours. would anyone care for a bowl of finger foods? i'm ringing the kitchen as we speak.
your were handel-ing it so well auld then it all burst out like wasteage from a well feed dog. I am a good of the modern arts, come dance and play and rolick at my feet, my friends are super my life is twisted, experience of which you may only dream. I liked you better before when everything had a place and a newspaper to fit it.
horus8: Did you write the lyrics to 'Comfort Eagle' by Cake? Which of their songs did you write lyrics for? Or have you simply turned our beloved poemeranker into a House of Lies?
Wow, thanks for considering us lowly folks. Considering it is you and I, or I and you on this site at this afternoon hour I say we are in the same boat, but you are off to meet movie stars (since you have an in with Jon Voigt can you hook me up with his daughter. I hear she is almost single and goes for cowpokes like me) and I am off to dine with the ex-governor. It is his 50th anniversary with his wife you know. And he is the leader of the LA schools, you know. How long has he been with his mistress? I am so impressed by your success in the Utopia of Clowns. We are in such need of the high art in Hollywood. And from what I have seen, you love my work.
negative d.a, i worked on prolonging the magic...john mcCrea is a genius and a fine human being...i helped on "Mexico", and "alpha beta parking lot...both musically and lyrically, but john was by far the master mind behind it all, a true poet and gifted musician...somethings are better left unsaid....all of their work is above the point of pointing though to say the least o
Smash Mouth, Sugar Ray, Cake -- that is an impressive list. All bands that have mastered writing the same song over and over and over. Are you in Death Ray too?
oh fuck i've weed all over my new going out kegs, shit
auld clootie builds you all up to a maginficent point, which he makes ever so well, with little to no conceit like the deity he is he give quite selflessly, jesus fuck have i been reading this right, no says he you are the shite below my well shod grisel my purple clingons are more sentient than you, i shall mail you some forthwith so that you may share in my supremity
poemeranker fuck no poetandknowit the music of bands that seem to write the same song over and over again is for two kinds of people: adolescents and monomaniacs. I cannot defend the tastes of the first, and even the second, but equally I cannot condemn the second. For often do our finer moments in life come from a short or sustained bout of monomania? How many times have you obsessed over something and therein gained the greatest satisfaction? I have done so many times. Of course, obsession has equal love for disappointment; but is not the lowest Hell nothing when placed next to highest Heaven? When something worms and lodges into that part of your brain labeled 'special', there's no way to avoid obsessing on it, or at least falling into a sort of stupor when presented with anything to do with it. And I believe it's commonly said that obsessions form in childhood. So blame not the people who listen to this music, nor those who create it, but the despicable parents who allow their children to find such FILTH special.
for the love of GOD...
VULCAN
by the way i was wrong it was his 27th symphony in G, and you're probably a gemini...that dark angel story is fucking priceless huh...he's a she's a something ori-gi-nal...so sayith the priest!
Would have been good without the visual representation. Better with it. How do you do that? I'd like to learn. TRACED HER F HOLE WITH THE TIP OF MY FINGER makes my vagina feel good. xxxtra points 10/10
I think this is nicely shaped prose rather than poetry, but that's an observation rather than a criticism. Very nice, but I don't like the word f-hole.
like it or no, Nicholas, that is it's technical name. it looks like an 'f' in cursive, and it certainly suited my needs for meaning and innuendo this poem. thanks for looking, z.
o wasn't this a treat? 10
sickly sentimental!!!! lark angel is better
What idiot thought this was a cello? Gah.
I play the cello, so I should know. It's a damn good effort considering the restrictions on the artistic abilities of this site. This is nearly perfect. 10/10
By the way, when I say 'artistic' I mean 'drawing'...just in case anyone thought I was talking about the standard of the poetry.
This is really wonderful, I am musical too (sax and guitar only) but I do appreciate the dulcet tones of the strings.
nice one zz, this is really impressive stuff
Nice poem!! i love it how you put in that shape... it must of taking a long time to do that!!
Love it
Cult n clever
A fine ertoric tribute to some great rumpy pumpy (as we sometimes call it in the UK)
i used to play string bass. i love this poem!
String bass? or stringed bass (in a boat)...lol!
and of course we can't leave you with probably one of the best if not thee best concrete poem here on poemranker..good night..thanks for watching..<the witches hut, brought to you by 'underwear' what you need when under the weather, and 'forkie' better then spoonie any day..>
Wow. Claymation and string art. Hard to go wrong with the two of you. magnificent.
Awesome, dude. Thanks for recommending this system to me. Keep on rockin' in the free world. NWA (Yes, those are my real initials.)
Nathaniel William Anderson
it has a nice shpe.
Mmmmm...still turns me on....haven't played for years though, maybe I should take it up again.
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