| Re: My Son is...a prayer. by horus8 |
6-Dec-02/6:22 AM |
Show this to your son when he's old enough to understand because its one of the most honest, moving and beautiful pieces I've read, you've got more sides than a pentagon horus, i like this side because its you and your balls are gleaming with gold today with this.
p.s read 'father and son' by tony parsons you'll f****g love it. (amazon.com for review) TEN/TEN
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| Re: The cowards way out by MakenzieNy |
6-Dec-02/6:15 AM |
I'm with GW on this one. I think this could have a positive impact if you changed the title on this to maybe 'Courage of the Coward' or 'Living with Dying'. I attempted suicide at 15 and wrote several pieces on the subject, I admire your sensitivity on wanting to immortalize the dude but concentrate more on 2 powers at work, I wrote a line 'a mind and a heart in a civil war that left behind darkness, so brighter before; try and invent a metaphor for his suffering like surrendered heart, it has to have your stamp on it and write it as much from your mind as your heart, think of places he went, how you sum him up, what he did, the negative and positive things that were said about him, keep dont drift from this subject, work on it in when your inspired, theirs a masterpiece song on suicide by 'Depeche Mode' called blasphemous rumours, I'll hope you listen to it for inspiration.
This has been the longest comment i've ever made -good luck man
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| Re: We are ignorance by Freddy |
6-Dec-02/5:55 AM |
Good !
But I think stanza 2 could be improved because I wanted to know more about where the dance with the horned angels was and the mockery of purity, at least you avoided patronizing the subject, also is stand on throne not sit or is their an entendre their? -7-
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| Re: idiots by w~* ATHENA *~w |
6-Dec-02/5:51 AM |
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This is quite a hopeful ending to the isolation of unemployment, it appeased me, dark mixed with light nicely here -8-
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| Re: the 'popular' one by joey |
5-Dec-02/8:16 AM |
Oh My.......................................................................word !
very observant, sounds like my bro
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| Re: To My Love by sliver |
5-Dec-02/5:34 AM |
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Not particulatly interesting to anyone other tjhan for you and who it was written for, however thats not to say its shit or anything its one of those split opinion ones, I liked it, though you could widen its appeal by being more original heres a respectable 6
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| Re: Chilling Out by Goose |
5-Dec-02/5:28 AM |
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You should carry this on more it ends to abruptly, this could be promising so kick this back in there, the 3 votes a bit out of order -6-
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| Re: Spider by Blade |
5-Dec-02/5:09 AM |
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Blade you cool mother -9-
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| Re: ice cream by rosiebailey |
5-Dec-02/5:08 AM |
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Ice cream is excellent moisturiser so my mates tell me
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| Re: tomorrow by deano |
5-Dec-02/5:07 AM |
Tomorrow Tomorrow I love ya, tomorrow its only a day away
(Annie loves it )
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| Re: On waiting to pick up my daughter on Tuesday by poetandknowit |
5-Dec-02/3:48 AM |
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| Re: On waiting to pick up my daughter on Tuesday by poetandknowit |
5-Dec-02/3:48 AM |
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This moved me PK, it made me feel for you watching her grow up from a child and realizing one day she'll be independent. Also I wanted to get something straight, what i meant by 'old school' was poets more experienced than myself whos been on this site longer, It wasnt meant as offensive, I'm here to learn off you, GW, Intrasit, Horus, Dark Angel,Tintagiles, your all muses of mine -take the compliment
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| Re: Cyanide Summer by cleverdevice |
5-Dec-02/3:36 AM |
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| Re: Beliefs? by RWAndersen |
4-Dec-02/6:02 AM |
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So much said with so little -8-
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| Re: she said by Bill Z Bub |
4-Dec-02/2:46 AM |
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very original, concise and to point
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| Re: The Black Cottage by w~* ATHENA *~w |
4-Dec-02/2:45 AM |
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EXPLAINED LIKE A FAIRYTALE, QUITE BEAUTIFULLY, NEEDS A LITTLE MORE SUBSTANCE I THINK.
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| Re: want of warmth by <~> |
4-Dec-02/1:46 AM |
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I cant do haiku sob sob, you can, envy !
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| Re: Rich and the wall by INTRANSIT |
4-Dec-02/1:45 AM |
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| Re: Allegheny Winter Lament by jdsnyd |
4-Dec-02/1:44 AM |
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Learned the art of description in this, its given me an idea for somthing =8= nice one jd
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| Re: TRIBUTE TO A FRIEND by Nicholas Monson |
3-Dec-02/4:37 AM |
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Haven't read an ode on here for ages, this aint bad really heres a 7
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