on The cowards way out by MakenzieNy
6 Dec 2002, 6:15 AM
I'm with GW on this one. I think this could have a positive impact if you changed the title on this to maybe 'Courage of the Coward' or 'Living with Dying'. I attempted suicide at 15 and wrote several pieces on the subject, I admire your sensitivity on wanting to immortalize the dude but concentrate more on 2 powers at work, I wrote a line 'a mind and a heart in a civil war that left behind darkness, so brighter before; try and invent a metaphor for his suffering like surrendered heart, it has to have your stamp on it and write it as much from your mind as your heart, think of places he went, how you sum him up, what he did, the negative and positive things that were said about him, keep dont drift from this subject, work on it in when your inspired, theirs a masterpiece song on suicide by 'Depeche Mode' called blasphemous rumours, I'll hope you listen to it for inspiration.
This has been the longest comment i've ever made -good luck man
This has been the longest comment i've ever made -good luck man
on We are ignorance by Freddy
6 Dec 2002, 5:55 AM
Good !
But I think stanza 2 could be improved because I wanted to know more about where the dance with the horned angels was and the mockery of purity, at least you avoided patronizing the subject, also is stand on throne not sit or is their an entendre their? -7-
But I think stanza 2 could be improved because I wanted to know more about where the dance with the horned angels was and the mockery of purity, at least you avoided patronizing the subject, also is stand on throne not sit or is their an entendre their? -7-
on idiots by w~* ATHENA *~w
6 Dec 2002, 5:51 AM
This is quite a hopeful ending to the isolation of unemployment, it appeased me, dark mixed with light nicely here -8-
on the 'popular' one by joey
5 Dec 2002, 8:16 AM
Oh My......................................
very observant, sounds like my bro
very observant, sounds like my bro
on To My Love by sliver
5 Dec 2002, 5:34 AM
Not particulatly interesting to anyone other tjhan for you and who it was written for, however thats not to say its shit or anything its one of those split opinion ones, I liked it, though you could widen its appeal by being more original heres a respectable 6
on Chilling Out by Goose
5 Dec 2002, 5:28 AM
You should carry this on more it ends to abruptly, this could be promising so kick this back in there, the 3 votes a bit out of order -6-
on ice cream by rosiebailey
5 Dec 2002, 5:08 AM
Ice cream is excellent moisturiser so my mates tell me
on On waiting to pick up my daughter on Tuesday by poetandknowit
5 Dec 2002, 3:48 AM
oh and zzinnia too
on On waiting to pick up my daughter on Tuesday by poetandknowit
5 Dec 2002, 3:48 AM
This moved me PK, it made me feel for you watching her grow up from a child and realizing one day she'll be independent. Also I wanted to get something straight, what i meant by 'old school' was poets more experienced than myself whos been on this site longer, It wasnt meant as offensive, I'm here to learn off you, GW, Intrasit, Horus, Dark Angel,Tintagiles, your all muses of mine -take the compliment
on Cyanide Summer by cleverdevice
5 Dec 2002, 3:36 AM
you crack me up !
on Beliefs? by RWAndersen
4 Dec 2002, 6:02 AM
So much said with so little -8-
on she said by Bill Z Bub
4 Dec 2002, 2:46 AM
very original, concise and to point
on The Black Cottage by w~* ATHENA *~w
4 Dec 2002, 2:45 AM
EXPLAINED LIKE A FAIRYTALE, QUITE BEAUTIFULLY, NEEDS A LITTLE MORE SUBSTANCE I THINK.
on want of warmth by <~>
4 Dec 2002, 1:46 AM
I cant do haiku sob sob, you can, envy !
on Rich and the wall by INTRANSIT
4 Dec 2002, 1:45 AM
cute
on Allegheny Winter Lament by jdsnyd
4 Dec 2002, 1:44 AM
Learned the art of description in this, its given me an idea for somthing =8= nice one jd
on TRIBUTE TO A FRIEND by Nicholas Monson
3 Dec 2002, 4:37 AM
Haven't read an ode on here for ages, this aint bad really heres a 7
p.s read 'father and son' by tony parsons you'll f****g love it. (amazon.com for review) TEN/TEN