Poemranker [Poem: The cowards way out] [by MakenzieNy] Thu Nov 21 18:56:30 PST 2024

The cowards way out.. he was only 18 that hot and humid summer day he turned to drugs to learn how to cope never realised how much everyone cared tired to take his life,too many times to share he stole from his family to support his habit scammed all his friends thought his life must come to an end as the day went by his mothers heart sank she began to sweat as chills came over her body as the phone rang poor Forresst was found in a tree dead He decided he couldn't go on anymore a chain wrapped so tightly around his neck he decided to take the cowards way out I wished he only knew how much we loved him so he'll never know how much we all wanted to help we all still mourn,and ask ourselves why? why did he take the cowards way out

[n/a] god'swife @ 209.178.180.130 | 5-Dec-02/9:41 PM | Reply

Fuck, I am not sure it's that cowardly at all. My nephew killed himself, same as your fellow here, drugs and all. Jesus, you know, it really takes some balls. Besides that, your poem starts off very well and then kind of tapers off like a guttering wick. I would try and revise if I were you, though plainly I am not. I think if you tried replacing 'cowards way out' with something felt instead of believed you come to place so close it would hurt.
Good luck.

[n/a] MakenzieNy @ 216.42.124.149 > god'swife | 5-Dec-02/10:01 PM | Reply

thanx for your advice,i'm still working on that one

[5] Caducus @ 62.105.88.10 | 6-Dec-02/6:15 AM | Reply

I'm with GW on this one. I think this could have a positive impact if you changed the title on this to maybe 'Courage of the Coward' or 'Living with Dying'. I attempted suicide at 15 and wrote several pieces on the subject, I admire your sensitivity on wanting to immortalize the dude but concentrate more on 2 powers at work, I wrote a line 'a mind and a heart in a civil war that left behind darkness, so brighter before; try and invent a metaphor for his suffering like surrendered heart, it has to have your stamp on it and write it as much from your mind as your heart, think of places he went, how you sum him up, what he did, the negative and positive things that were said about him, keep dont drift from this subject, work on it in when your inspired, theirs a masterpiece song on suicide by 'Depeche Mode' called blasphemous rumours, I'll hope you listen to it for inspiration.
This has been the longest comment i've ever made -good luck man