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Sociology of Deviance (Free verse) by blackball Your blackened hand fell closer to me
in the exhaustion of screaming...i wanted to go home
shattered glass all around
the road ravelling on beyond
the rain soaked sun
the song in my mind
was left screaming
back to the beginning of time
then the fireglow
you put it out
Up the ladder:
A Thousand Lives
Down the ladder:
Esperanza
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.25
Posted: November 28, 2002 1:21 PM PST; Last modified: November 28, 2002 1:21 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.336177 Overall Rank: 3447 Comments:
cool.
Nice imagery
if you take out the last sentence..you have a gold mine..congradulations. happy thanksgiving. 10.
i dunno...i think it brings conclusion to the whole image
yeah, but it's redundant..when it comes to sharp intuitive skills, so.. we already know. if you know what i mean .or rather that's what we're hoping for.. maybe add..and took your sweet time..to it? i gave you ten..what the fuck? it just left me a tinge underdone..not that medium rare isn't great sometimes.
it's about the exhaustion of love, and the price that comes with it.
you think? i thought it was more about a car crash...but yeah now that i read it over i either should have left that last line out or added something to it.
and the image is ended in the last two lines of the stanza by the way, that's why subconsciously you seperated the last two sentences from themselves and the stanza...you might still be a little two close to the piece to recognize that though right now so...no biggy..goodbye.
Sod the dissection on the poem, i liked its vibe,and it gave me 20 seconds of entertainment so heres a 7 to jail.
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But I'm not sure what its about.