poemranker ::Check Yourself by INTRANSIT

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 27382

Check Yourself

by INTRANSIT

Member since 2002 · Posted 26 Nov 2002 · Edited 11 Dec 2002 · 21 comments

"Shit happens", they say. I still can't figure why the judge went that way. Coffee in hand, driving along minding my business then something went wrong. Laid up, felt like a slob shoulder out three months replaced, lost my job. With the wife and kids the house went somewhere I'm alone, so here I sits. No, I'm no everyday jerk I'm just broke and homeless, I was on my way to work.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 7.38 weighted 5.64 rank 2138 views 283 View voting details →

8 votes so far. Yours would make 9.8 votes so far

21 comments

[8] <~> 26-Nov-02/7:15 PM Reply
woo hoo! look who's back in the house!!!
go, boy!

okay, now the poem: the punctuation in the second stanza confuses me. do you need the comma after shoulder?

like the thought.
[n/a] INTRANSIT › <~> 26-Nov-02/7:21 PM Reply
nice catch, thanks. Does the rest of the beat work?
[8] <~> › INTRANSIT 26-Nov-02/8:06 PM Reply
works okay. but why the judge in the first stanza? how'd your shoulder get busted?
[n/a] INTRANSIT › <~> 26-Nov-02/8:13 PM Reply
damn. I'll work it tomorrow. Thanks z.
[8] <~> › INTRANSIT 26-Nov-02/8:15 PM Reply
welcome back,
[n/a] INTRANSIT › <~> 27-Nov-02/7:49 AM Reply
The judge went first to give it kilter. New stanza added. better?
[8] <~> › INTRANSIT 27-Nov-02/8:00 AM Reply
better. now there's more of a sense of it, and yet it remains uncluttered, as is your wont. ;]
[n/a] INTRANSIT › <~> 27-Nov-02/8:07 AM Reply
As is my wha? S-4 is off rythm I think. thinking.......
[8] <~> › INTRANSIT 27-Nov-02/8:09 AM Reply
wont--n. Customary practice; usage. See Synonyms at habit.
[n/a] INTRANSIT › <~> 27-Nov-02/12:51 PM Reply
Got it. thanks for expanding my vocab. What is my homework assignment? Be specific:#
[9] Bill Z Bub 26-Nov-02/9:19 PM Reply
I really liked this one.
kicked me in the gut.
because I'm feeling that way,
I'll go with an eight.
[7] Caducus 27-Nov-02/2:30 AM Reply
Wondered where you were, Greetings and Salutations !
I liked the vibe in this piece but take it or leave it heres a last line i think could end it.....

Fuck ! life can be so acrimonious.

anyway drag this 7 by the hair and drag her away.
[7] anitawit 27-Nov-02/10:49 AM Reply
Welcome back.
[7] vulcan 27-Nov-02/11:30 AM Reply
nice
[10] <{Baba^Yaga}> 27-Nov-02/2:04 PM Reply
epson salt and elevating the arm with vicadin and taxi reruns should fix you right up.7
[9] Tigger8023 27-Nov-02/7:28 PM Reply
I love it!!!
[9] Bill Z Bub 10-Dec-02/5:59 PM Reply
On second thought, make mine nine. This one still does it for me.
[8] horus8 10-Dec-02/6:48 PM Reply
don't be afraid to suck the laST sentence into the last stanza it fits fine. no osterization needed..
[n/a] INTRANSIT › horus8 11-Dec-02/6:49 AM Reply
Why thank you sir! Usable info finally. I shall adjust at once.
[n/a] INTRANSIT › INTRANSIT 11-Dec-02/6:51 AM Reply
punc change too. better?
[8] <~> 11-Dec-02/7:16 AM Reply
still good.