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Check Yourself (Free verse) by INTRANSIT
"Shit happens", they say. I still can't figure why the judge went that way. Coffee in hand, driving along minding my business then something went wrong. Laid up, felt like a slob shoulder out three months replaced, lost my job. With the wife and kids the house went somewhere I'm alone, so here I sits. No, I'm no everyday jerk I'm just broke and homeless, I was on my way to work.

Up the ladder: Held
Down the ladder: route nine

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 20
.. 10
.. 30
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 7.375
Weighted score: 5.638736
Overall Rank: 2139
Posted: November 26, 2002 7:10 PM PST; Last modified: December 11, 2002 6:50 AM PST
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Comments:
[8] <~> @ 67.84.171.10 | 26-Nov-02/7:15 PM | Reply
woo hoo! look who's back in the house!!!
go, boy!

okay, now the poem: the punctuation in the second stanza confuses me. do you need the comma after shoulder?

like the thought.
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.209.77 > <~> | 26-Nov-02/7:21 PM | Reply
nice catch, thanks. Does the rest of the beat work?
[8] <~> @ 67.84.171.10 > INTRANSIT | 26-Nov-02/8:06 PM | Reply
works okay. but why the judge in the first stanza? how'd your shoulder get busted?
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 64.12.96.139 > <~> | 26-Nov-02/8:13 PM | Reply
damn. I'll work it tomorrow. Thanks z.
[8] <~> @ 67.84.171.10 > INTRANSIT | 26-Nov-02/8:15 PM | Reply
welcome back,
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.209.77 > <~> | 27-Nov-02/7:49 AM | Reply
The judge went first to give it kilter. New stanza added. better?
[8] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 > INTRANSIT | 27-Nov-02/8:00 AM | Reply
better. now there's more of a sense of it, and yet it remains uncluttered, as is your wont. ;]
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.209.77 > <~> | 27-Nov-02/8:07 AM | Reply
As is my wha? S-4 is off rythm I think. thinking.......
[8] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 > INTRANSIT | 27-Nov-02/8:09 AM | Reply
wont--n. Customary practice; usage. See Synonyms at habit.
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 64.12.96.139 > <~> | 27-Nov-02/12:51 PM | Reply
Got it. thanks for expanding my vocab. What is my homework assignment? Be specific:#
[9] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 | 26-Nov-02/9:19 PM | Reply
I really liked this one.
kicked me in the gut.
because I'm feeling that way,
I'll go with an eight.
[7] Caducus @ 62.105.88.10 | 27-Nov-02/2:30 AM | Reply
Wondered where you were, Greetings and Salutations !
I liked the vibe in this piece but take it or leave it heres a last line i think could end it.....

Fuck ! life can be so acrimonious.

anyway drag this 7 by the hair and drag her away.
[7] anitawit @ 219.65.234.247 | 27-Nov-02/10:49 AM | Reply
Welcome back.
[7] vulcan @ 80.242.1.49 | 27-Nov-02/11:30 AM | Reply
nice
[10] <{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.126.113.154 | 27-Nov-02/2:04 PM | Reply
epson salt and elevating the arm with vicadin and taxi reruns should fix you right up.7
[9] Tigger8023 @ 64.229.155.158 | 27-Nov-02/7:28 PM | Reply
I love it!!!
[9] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 | 10-Dec-02/5:59 PM | Reply
On second thought, make mine nine. This one still does it for me.
[8] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 10-Dec-02/6:48 PM | Reply
don't be afraid to suck the laST sentence into the last stanza it fits fine. no osterization needed..
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.209.77 > horus8 | 11-Dec-02/6:49 AM | Reply
Why thank you sir! Usable info finally. I shall adjust at once.
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.209.77 > INTRANSIT | 11-Dec-02/6:51 AM | Reply
punc change too. better?
[8] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 | 11-Dec-02/7:16 AM | Reply
still good.
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