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The Epitaph (Free verse) by vulcan The Waves marry clandestine
On the green banks of the overflowing
Overwhelming Nature;
I try to combine
In the midst of the scrupulousness of tuberculosis
that stains with color the pale handkerchief of my Existence
Happiness with Blood;
But O those flushed flowers are in full bud again
And I find fishes unwinking once more
No!I feel ,I feel the disturbing distance
Between this vaulted grave and that Vaulted Sky.
Up the ladder:
Lynched
Down the ladder:
vulgar
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.6666665
Posted: November 24, 2002 12:50 AM PST; Last modified: January 16, 2006 1:24 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.1986713 Overall Rank: 4556 Comments:
[1]
OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.11.122
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24-Nov-02/9:55 PM
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With all those big words, I was going to ask "Did someone find a dictionary?" but then I noticed they aren't used right or even all spelled right. (Tuberculosis)
[n/a]
vulcan @ 80.242.3.68
> OneFingerAnswer
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24-Nov-02/10:44 PM
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thanks.
Vulcan !
This could be really good and I see you've re edited it. But....its still flawed check line 8, change the opening of line 10, take your time I f****g love beginning and end but the aforementioned's gotta get sorted.
Vulcan--I really like this, it's very neo-Romantic, and you've really captured a "Keatsian" flow and tone (as well as the direct nod with the reference to tuberculosis). There are some problems with the narrative structure--the second and third lines seem to stutter, for one thing--but your images are very strong, I think, and the phrasing, in places, is lovely. I particular like the "vaulted grave" conveying freshly mounded dirt and the comparison with the more expansive "Vaulted Sky."
i married clandestine too? pray for me ha ha ha! 0.
The first three lines don't quite make sense. As it progresses, it gets better.
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