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Lloyd Street Interlude (Free verse) by jdsnyd I saw you last night
ensconced in conversation
...and melancholy wells
in charred vapor pools
mourning time
and the poverty of words
I amended riddled intervals
and gathered portions
of harboured denial
evanescing lament
sage glows on the alter
smoke rises
bathing
purifying
lost love's cadaver
dressed in burial clothes
anointed and reposed
blameless
words that destroyed
failed to heal
but time mends time mourned
In a shattered mirror of disfigurement
I can look at myself again
Up the ladder:
give
Down the ladder:
hallway
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.6666665
Posted: November 23, 2002 3:15 PM PST; Last modified: November 27, 2002 5:42 AM PSTWeighted score: 4.9103527 Overall Rank: 9654 Comments:
[3]
<~> @ 67.84.171.10
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24-Nov-02/3:59 PM
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Reply
do you cast a reflection?
This deserves more than a rush read so I'm taking this puppy and taking it for a walk inside my head.
I'm interested in this give me some leads???????
I'm still playing around with this one, it's basically about running into an ex-lover, that you've had an extensive history with, and the feelings that it dredges up, and trying to get past them. Burning sage in some Native American cultures is part of a "purifying" ceremony, not sure it works here though.
You replied - thanks
noW down to business ! As it stands it needs a better conclusion, when you say in the last line 'i can look at myself again' try and add a connection, such as this.... in a shattered mirror of disfigurement. A shattered mirror is supposedly bad luck, and shattered metaphorically recognizes you as the one shattered, reflected by the cracks as a broken spirit, lots of different people of which you dont recognize any, as you changed from the pain your ex caused you. It was just one idea out of many you could create. I'm learning too, just dont want to see a good beginning have no end
Thanks for the suggestions! I was ready to scrap this. I used your idea and added some more to the ending, maybe this works.
NEVER chuck anything away, you could be chucking $$$$ away.
I think it ends how it was destined, And its got an identity now, mournful, sad, ironic, and to quote ' reflective so heres an 8
Thanks again Caducus, I think I can live with this
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