Comments byCaducus, 381–400 back, including replies. Only comments on poems

on blue lilac and I (edit) by richa 7 Aug 2003, 10:01 AM
Richa, I was thinking of Stanza one: silvered in pike could work but hatters has a point about the shoals. However it could work if you implied the stream was silvered by pike as the water was shallow thus - dying fish, trapped. You may be able to work with that but it may affect the brevity of the poem.
on blue lilac and I (edit) by richa 7 Aug 2003, 8:55 AM
God I'm a tight bastard this so a 10.

As Jim Royle would say in a mancunian drawl '9 my arse'
on blue lilac and I (edit) by richa 7 Aug 2003, 8:47 AM
Silvered in pike

Damn Damn Damn !

Kudos in abundance and you got it 9
H29B HORUS8.

WICKED POEM !
Some wicked phrases and imagery but the long lines make it tiring to read and absorb. 7
on I, Ann Boleyn by http://mulberryfairy 5 Aug 2003, 6:43 AM
A disgustingly beautifully repugnant poem on a equally disgusting man who created a church institution that fucked religion in the same way.

Exquisite 9
on Sonnet for a Suicide by <~> 5 Aug 2003, 5:23 AM
The ending goes off on a insiduous tangent but because of that it works well and contrasts the 2 moods well. I just hope this is fiction. Why also did he lose his mind I wonder.
Neatly done
replying on Damage by Caducus 4 Aug 2003, 12:38 PM
You're right Z and I have took your advice but will amend again when the moment pulls.

Thanks
Cad
replying on Departing Suburbia by Caducus 25 Jul 2003, 9:38 AM
I would not ruin your Assam tea (bet you only drink twinings)
on Read this by Southern_Bell 25 Jul 2003, 8:05 AM
get rid of new plight, plight will suffice. Cut the digression of the obvious lines and your getting there
on CrapBeer by DurtKL 25 Jul 2003, 8:02 AM
One other thing : Kaliber ! now we're talking shite
on CrapBeer by DurtKL 25 Jul 2003, 8:01 AM
Quality ! I discovered through laughing a brief fountain spurt in my Box area. Loved the end its so fucking sudden like you stormed out in disgust. I could really visualize this and you made this miserable git laugh.

9congrats !
replying on Jaded by Caducus 25 Jul 2003, 7:58 AM
Ok Z thanx for that I see that now reading it over. I have added 4 new lines to the end but can't help wondering if its more powerful without them, thus ending it at 'we're ignoring right now'.

Used to write tons of lyrics and its a bit of walk back to my past.
on Taurus women and the pride by Shardik 25 Jul 2003, 3:56 AM
Captivating use of language but i do not know what tarusian women are? thats my problem for being thick. Some juicy lines in this 8
on An Angel's Caress by Southern_Bell 25 Jul 2003, 3:54 AM
A suggestion if i may re: line 2 (soft feathers of wings) the 'of wings' part is not really needed as we would associate that they come from wings, also the 'above' we know angels come from above (and below depending on the orgin of the angel). Its not bad and reads well but the words are simply there to suit nothing but the rhyme scheme.

vote:5
on Upon a falling star (new/changed) by LuckyJoe 24 Jul 2003, 8:58 AM
I'm not sure this has an identity of a poem or a lyric. As a poem its exhausting and as a lyric the singer would need to be rescued by full stops. Its not awful but not good neither just a mass of phrases the amount to little. 5
Because...
Chewbacca needs Han Solo
to translate.

I fucking love those lines. This is wicked, a great piece of satire and a real turkish thumb to your enemies.
Look what i did to your best poems - 10
Hi its hte cunt here,

You are not Horus, Bachus or Jermi Handrinos so you are the cunt, I mean click in to your user name and you've wrote one poem? the real jeremi b handrinos has written loads of poems,

as i respect horus this is his vindication from any misinterpreted slurs on his good character,

yours sincerely

the cunt cadUcus
on Ode to a cock muncher by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w 1 Jul 2003, 8:26 AM
God this has changed my life more than you will ever know, its really really really REALLY good.

(this really touched my delete button)
on and love, an envy by richa 20 Jun 2003, 1:50 AM
her soil warm lips !

mmmmm

What a beautiful description 8