DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Can you believe this piece of shit was #1?

Member since 2002 · Posted 22 Jul 2003 · Edited 8 Aug 2003 · 54 comments

I was once on the best list, but then I proved you all fucking wrong by writing this. Think about that. Now I'm cool again, on poemranker. I go door to door & sell Avon A solicitor, A smiling wholesale artist. Sometimes, late at night, I think of my poor naked poems being lashed and mounted. Forced into #1. That's when Faith saves the day. She rides in on a miniature painted pony with a disco jingle background. Wearing a Victoria's secret get up, Just to shove a ten right up my ass. Somehow convinced I possibly could give a shit. Thank god, she's not blind anymore, etc. Tomorrow, I was thinking about selling my soul to the devil in return for knowing the true identity of all pronouns, always. That, and a monogrammed hand towel collection in peach, and burnt umber. That says, "Broccoli, Poetry, Dysentary, Murder" But some how shortened and more poignant Like sex with your weak hand and a toothbrush that part times as your keyboard-cleaner/hip hop-medallion. Why? Why? Why! Was I so hard on shit poets? Because... Chewbacca needed Han Solo to translate. I think that pretty much sums up what I think about voting Lobbyists, and your idea of Democracy. So take a good look at yourself, The next time you get the urge To form words and judge with that gash in your face substituting for a mouth.

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mean 7.00 weighted 6.46 rank 713 views 467 View voting details →

12 votes so far. Yours would make 13.12 votes so far

54 comments

[2] Lifeboatman 22-Jul-03/10:49 PM Reply

Not worthy of you...

[n/a] horus8 › Lifeboatman 22-Jul-03/11:51 PM Reply

Sometimes, in life, you got to miss the boat, and walk. Worthy, or not. See, what's funny is my 'worthy' poems were zero'd to death, because, if you write a great poem on this sight people will avoid it or kill it anyway. Right, a shit poem about being gay, and tada, number 1. My best work was not apparently worthy either, so you tell me? What's worthy on poemranker Mr. Life raft? i've written a poem about everything except what is and what isn't worthy. ThaT'S IT! I'll write a poem about James Worthy.

[2] Lifeboatman › horus8 23-Jul-03/8:35 PM Reply

Not poemranker.. of you... I've seen you gloat as to your lingual prowess and I have been witness to some.. this work was certainly not written on your better days...

[n/a] Shardik › Lifeboatman 23-Jul-03/10:19 PM Reply

That's a lie. i've never gloated about my linguistics you oof. Even I know that grammar and spelling were never my strength, and often I let that be known, as I am now, for instance. I've boasted on imagination and structure development, and as with many, many, many, of my other satirical pieces that I do, in jest, I focus on many more prudent theoretical aspects involved with writing poetry. Such as the title and characters. Notice how this one brought in fifteen votes in an afternoon, though it's a heaping pile of huspux readings. That's half of your entire combined collection practically on the ranker. Ponder that, and next time you attempt to approach me like some sort of Bow tie pusher, think again, because, I don't believe we are on the same page, therefore, we seem to be having sort of miscommunication, or perhaps that was your attemp at seeming witty, however, it was tossed due to your absolute void of wit.

[2] Lifeboatman › Shardik 24-Jul-03/10:46 PM Reply

..as you say..

[n/a] horus8 › Lifeboatman 1-Aug-03/2:13 AM Reply

202.78.97.13

Why do you toy with me darky?
I thought we were in love.

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › horus8 1-Aug-03/3:12 AM Reply

are you talking to me? what the hell are you talking about?

[n/a] horus8 › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 1-Aug-03/1:10 PM Reply

Oh, you know me, nothing much... Just a babbling stoned idiot chirping along with conspiracy theorys.

[9] <~> › horus8 1-Aug-03/1:25 PM Reply

hey, don't forget your painted pony and your spinning wheel.

[10] Bill Z Bub 22-Jul-03/11:05 PM Reply

That's damn funny.

[10] JoyLuck 22-Jul-03/11:49 PM Reply

ah...fucking zero giving haters dolling out 0s out of spite

my own 'poem' was hit up with blue zeros
oh well
i dont' care
it wasn't even a poem
it was a house
:(

[n/a] horus8 › JoyLuck 22-Jul-03/11:53 PM Reply

lolttm! Indeed.

[10] JoyLuck › horus8 23-Jul-03/12:24 AM Reply

what is lolttm? lol

[n/a] Bachus › JoyLuck 23-Jul-03/12:29 AM Reply

to the max.

[9] http://findingwater 23-Jul-03/3:24 PM Reply

This piece is very cool. I love it when poets stick it to each other! The weak hand masturbation makes the poem, but it's the chewbacca ending that gets me ... maybe your next piece should be about chewy masturbating with his furry weak and/or strong hand while solo translates his pleasure moans.
Oh, good luck with the Avon.

[n/a] <{Baba^Yaga}> › http://findingwater 23-Jul-03/4:30 PM Reply

Luck? No sweat. I'm a dandy at door to door work.

[8] EAger to Offend 23-Jul-03/4:56 PM Reply

Take comfort that the truth is far sweeter than any place on the best list. I'm hoping so, anyway.

[9] <~> 23-Jul-03/6:04 PM Reply

ah, the weak hand. that's the sort of thing that chicks do not think about. have a 9 day.

[n/a] <{Baba^Yaga}> › <~> 23-Jul-03/6:24 PM Reply

That's funny, I've always guessed that too.

[7] Druid_Girl_1984 23-Jul-03/6:24 PM Reply

i am a female. i am not gay. i am white. quite frankly i am not jewish either. next time think before you say. nice poem though. = )

[n/a] <{Baba^Yaga}> › Druid_Girl_1984 23-Jul-03/6:38 PM Reply

Interesting, I never knew being whitechick was a given when not gay or Jewish. And it's not a nice poem, it's a pile of shit meant to read poker faces and no more, no less. By the way, 1984 was a for shit year full of bad tv, presidents that couldn't act let alone preside, and Sonny Crocket in bright cotton. No wonder you're observations are always sideways and prone to Asexual Rhetoric.

[n/a] <{Baba^Yaga}> › Druid_Girl_1984 23-Jul-03/6:54 PM Reply

Also, I was through thinking about what I say or why, and have been for sometime. Perhaps you should heed your own words and not put on your fucking pretentious know it all mask like i'm your tag along friends kissing your molly wrist at the mall, I'm not your fucking dad either, so spare me your idea of a news bulletin, because it's neither here nor there, and is better left for a date with a Chip or a Skyler, not me. I'm a poet, I don't have time think about what I say, that's the reader's job. And personally it's not in my best interst to get involved outside of the medium with promoters, brilliant green peers or the Audience, so do excuse me.

[10] thepinkbunnyofdoom 23-Jul-03/7:11 PM Reply

Horus, there are very few poems you have ever written that haven't amused me to the point of tears. The idea of you walking door to door selling Avon, is one I couldn't bare. Have a -10- and find yourself some kill. Look on the bright side, free Skin Care!!

[n/a] daniella 23-Jul-03/7:12 PM Reply

this could be set to the cure

[10] SupremeDreamer 23-Jul-03/11:12 PM Reply

Ah, horus, dont worry, alot of my own work is being shat apon with blue zeros aswell.. not many can appreciate the way you challenge people to write better than they currently do, or the way you poke at PC like a madman with a knife. But, you know what? fuck them. ;) 10.

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › SupremeDreamer 3-Aug-03/11:03 AM Reply

On this point I would have to agree with you, SupremeDreamer. People often get angry and confused when they read some of horus8's less PC poetry. They often dismiss such challenging pieces under meaningless buzz-words like "tasteless", without providing a single stain of justification for their putrid remarks. You would never do anything like that, would you?

[10] Caducus 24-Jul-03/12:50 AM Reply

Because...
Chewbacca needs Han Solo
to translate.

I fucking love those lines. This is wicked, a great piece of satire and a real turkish thumb to your enemies.
Look what i did to your best poems - 10

[10] JoyLuck 24-Jul-03/1:42 AM Reply

ahh this poem has finally made it to the heap of trash known as the BEST
lets see how quickly the blue zeros shall knock you off again
sad

[n/a] horus8 › JoyLuck 24-Jul-03/12:41 PM Reply

That doesn't matter, only that I can pay my little brother a buck to read this like Captain Kirk is what's truly important.

[7] cleverdevice 29-Jul-03/11:28 AM Reply

I remember being 3rd best once. There for a day and then I was gone. Happiest and saddest moment of my life so far. Says something about my 'life'!

[n/a] Mona Lisa 30-Jul-03/6:52 AM Reply

funny

[n/a] horus8 › Mona Lisa 30-Jul-03/1:49 PM Reply

Actually, what interests me, is how many hits this poem has received due to its title. Things like that just fascinate the hell into me.

[10] LuckyJoe › horus8 9-Aug-03/2:14 AM Reply

I saw that you wrote it and saw how many hits it had so I had to come and see what all the fuss was about :)
See ya around man... and nice "poem" by the way. Stick it to um!

[10] god'swife 30-Jul-03/8:23 AM Reply

Great poem, love the personification of faith, and the hand towels. You're a genius when you wanna, a poet always. Kisses.

[10] justjay 2-Aug-03/9:18 PM Reply

awesome work. kick the 0 people where it hurts!!!

[10] New Life Drug 7-Aug-03/10:30 PM Reply

hella funny! yur so silly

[10] LuckyJoe › New Life Drug 9-Aug-03/2:21 AM Reply

I myself think that if the person can't write a comment of at least 100-150 characters they shouldnât be able to vote. I love how when you have say even a single 10,9, and 8 you get hit with a 1 or a 0 no comment just a vote. If the person canât say what they like or donât like about the poem then they havenât earned the right to vote. I myself donât vote oftenâ¦ just sit back and comment here and there. Doesnât mean Iâm not reading. But some just donât make me have the need to comment so I donât vote on them either. If I canât give a poem at least a 5 I refuse to vote on it.
Maybe Iâm just stupid *nods at self* that has to be it :)

[n/a] INTRANSIT 8-Aug-03/8:21 PM Reply

Still the man with brass balls filled with solid gold dancers. or had his way with solid gold dancers.

[n/a] poetandknowit 8-Aug-03/10:10 PM Reply

http://www.salon.com/media/1998/09/01media.html

I think you will appreciate this. Every good writer ultimately needs and editor. Even Stan rice had and editor!

[n/a] horus8 › poetandknowit 9-Aug-03/12:46 PM Reply

Editors edit not theorize about the benefits of editors. Misses Peabody from NFG magazine couldn't edit a cantalope for breakfast with her staff of flunkys. That is my opinion, and if she wants to disagree she can put her writing and editing where her mouth is, because I have yet to see any literature that would contrast my point. As for the eighties and Lish? Who gives a fuck. And as for Stan Rice... Ha ha! You care more about that guy and bring him up more than I ever have. Cheers.

[n/a] poetandknowit › horus8 9-Aug-03/1:48 PM Reply

Your right, you do not need an editor. You write perfect little ditties. Sorry about the declines from NFG. However, I bet you are declined a lot because no one understands how deep and poetic you are. Fuck them all. You are better than that and deep, deep underground. Maybe I was thinking different for a minute, but no, you are a joke.

[n/a] horus8 › poetandknowit 9-Aug-03/2:27 PM Reply

You are an idiot. I do need an editor you ass. That's what I'm fucking saying? An editor takes the poetry and edits it, sends it back to the author for approval, or any of his changes, then vice versa again until it satisfies both all parties included. you know that as well as I do. When you have a board of editors half of which can't write, and ALL contradicting each other's suggestions while even unaware that they're doing that? I mean give me a break... Ha ha, Oh and through the entire process the poet is called on to do the actual editing via vague contradictory suggestions? I believe that to be a joke. I need an editor that edits. You are a joke Mrs. Peabody, not I. So let's review. I need an editor. I love editors, but only editors that indeed 'edit'. If you think for a moment Lish edited from the phone verbally, or by offering his writers a one sentence critique you my friend are the joke because, that man wrote while 'editing', he made the appropriate changes, okayed it with the author in question, and then sent it through. You are a lazy idiot to think otherwise, not that I didn't know that already Senior asswear.

[n/a] horus8 › poetandknowit 9-Aug-03/2:34 PM Reply

Oh, and by the way, fuck you. Your poetry sucks. Rest assured in knowing it's not about who's better than who, or "underground" or any of that shit you fucking pretentious jealous twit. It's about the art form and the magic of story telling... You fucking think I care so much about image, and you couldn't be farther from the heart. Any day any time any where you say when, and I will put your argument in the trash can where it belongs along with your contrived selfish agenda. Poet and Knowit? Yeah, how fucking ridiculous does that user name sound, and you call me a joke. HA!

[n/a] poetandknowit › horus8 9-Aug-03/5:54 PM Reply

Look, I am sorry Ms Peabody (Whomever the fuck that is) rejected you. But get used to it, because it is going to happen and again. And every time it happens is not because an editor doesn't have the ability to write the genius that comes from your pot infested mind. So get over it, and get used to it instead of sounding like an L.A. crybaby. Work harder, write better. Listen to your peers. I sent that link because I thought you would genuinely find it interesting, but now I realize that others' literary musings mean nothing to a star like yourself, who in a sense is a brick wall when it comes to anything in the way of valid criticism form writers more established than yourself. It is a problem rampant on the site and you are the blind leading the naked. Most of these people do not want any sort of criticism (whether harshly or gently). They do not want to get better. They just want praise for the shit they post. End of story. A quick ego boost of instant gratification.

Furthermore, instead of having anything valid or intelligent to say about Mr. Lish you simply go into a defensive posture, which puts you on the same level as your kid. Grow up and maybe so will your writing.

[n/a] horus8 › poetandknowit 9-Aug-03/8:01 PM Reply

"Look, I am sorry Ms Peabody (Whomever the fuck that is) rejected you" As a young actor/writer/musician, rejection is the least of my worriess and an every day occurence. Why do you constintly change the subject? My argument was on editors that do not edit, idiot, not editors rejecting work. As a debatest, you suck. Also, have you ever seen me smoke a joint or shoot up? No, So... What the fuck are you talking about? Don't confuse fact with fiction i don't assume that you are a lawn mowing daughter fucking drunk do I? That's right... everything other than the point that's what you're good at. LA? What the fuck does that have to do with anything? Paris, NewYork, San Francisco, Bangkock, Shitsville Missouri it's all the same. Besides, neither me nor GW live in La, idiot. I live in Hancock Par and she lives in Whittier. Also my website deals with my music, not my prose or poetry and everything is free, people with an image ego problem put a price tag on their beauty and art, I do not! So what the fuck are you talking about? I work with script editors, film editors, story editors, directors, writers, other poets, musicians, ,producers on all levels every fucking day all week every week and they don't share your deluded opinion, because if they did? I wouldn't have a career They give me their notes, we discuss the changes and change it, EGO? Ha! Sorry friend, Crying? Oh dear, you got me, crying in my weed and heroin? I have never heard such nonsense for no reason ever from anyone other than you. Talk about unecessary cheap pathetic shots in the dark, it's practically comical. Do you do that to your family and friends? Low blow them until they finally conclude that if you're rubbed wrong you'll start digging for weapons? I raised a point that you can't seem to defend without going a hundred other directions. What no pedophillia no boston market today? You must of got your ass kicked a lot growing up and one day you're going to cross the wrong motherfucker motherfucker until then go back to your vodka chick drinks and go impress some college freshmen with your unimpressing pressings "Cry baby". oh and by the way,. Mr. Lish was and is awesome, but every writer/scholar knows that, why in the fuck should I have to confirm that to you? It's common knowledge.

[n/a] poetandknowit › horus8 9-Aug-03/9:31 PM Reply

I love your abrasive machismo approach. It truly fits well into a debate. No, the editor comment was not worth debating, although I did not change the subject. I kept to it. It is simple fact that not all of the editors of literary magazines, pub houses, general interest magazines, and the like are lacking talent as writers. I used Gordon Lish as a primo example and thought you might find the article amusing, considering what you call "common knowledge" is the fact that he is quite a brutal editor. I cannot vouch for your Ms Peabody (again I dearly apologize for her giving you the boot-although it is a daily occurrence with you, you still have my utmost sympathy). You ranting and raving and swearing every which may makes you sound childish and ignorant, and your underlying threats are quite pointless. You have taken this route before and although I do believe it befits you, it makes me think: 1) as much as you go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about how you are doing this and that face rejection every day, you raction show something different. You make no sense. Therefore, what is the point? You know it all. You always have known it all. You have to let me know just how important you are and all the people you deal with, but seem to have little to show for it. I suggest if you have not already, light one up now, because as much as you would like to thin to the contrary you are not showing me anything in the way of intelligent conversation. Again, my sincerest apologies for the rejection, I hope you have more success in the future.

[n/a] DreamerSupreme › poetandknowit 9-Aug-03/11:11 PM Reply

man... where the hell did you pop from lol. this arguing is turning into a novel... and it fuckin overkill, its like a poetic scene of terminator. ill keep it noted to stay far the fuck away from you lol..

[n/a] horus8 › DreamerSupreme 10-Aug-03/2:18 AM Reply

Please, don't leave stupid shit on my poetry. This motherfucker and me have been arguing from before you even picked up a pencil, this argument is over a year long, and I will not have you blowing smoke up this piece of shit's ass on my piece of shit poem, God dammit, he's already smoking like motherday's present ceramic sixth grade ashtray thank's to his morning class boob count.

[n/a] Jeremi B. Handrinos › poetandknowit 9-Aug-03/11:54 PM Reply

You started the coversation earlier today with what I imagine was your response to this piece "Inet. mag. editors R jealous red haired Jews, oh and I'm 29" Correct? Correct, because, the poem above says nothing about what we are and were debating, so you were at that one first (I-net mag etc.) then you came over to this one to give me your speel. How the fuck does an internet magazine editor being exposed as a trite cunt by me garner so much defending by you? Exactly, you are either her, in Cahoots, or just a prick, just admit it. That goes around pushing his same two fucking cents on everyone talk about on and on and on, at least I make an effort to 'edit' young poets and toss the worthless and build up the good ones. You shit on everything, even the innocent, strangers, whoever, with your pretentious snippets of divine mid west frat boy rhetoric. Look at yourself, take a good fucking look at what you said to me without even the common descency of wearing a condom on that nose of yours, heroin, pot, molestation, domestic abuse, tear down my wife my life my son my work why dick dead? Why all the fuss. How are you connected to the I net editor donation fund? Did I say major magazine editors or publishing houses? Why do you care about my opinion so much. If I am such a blow hard, huh motherfucker? The way I cuss or talk? Fuck you, I talk this why to you, because I can, and if I was standing front of you guess what? It would include spittle and emphasis because I think YOU ARE FULL OF BULLSHIT why do you need to consistintly cock strut your PHD in blowing harder for me? To impress me, maybe Z, or GW, or Mrs. Peabody (lol) or the newbies, maybe you, but surely you must know that I KNOW your kind friend, and you hardly impress me with any of your antics or charades in the mudane pathology of a serial spoiled momma's boy self loathing loser with a bachelors of projection and a masters in over exposer, and front lawn shitting complete with paw on grass flick. Lordy, you must think I've never read William Irish? Or English detective novels growing up? You are a sham, a self righteous sham motherfucker. That can't seem to get it through his fucking head that no matter how hard you try I will not be your boyfriend. I shall never recieve my kiss, my jizz, or my finger, friend. Nor will I concede when I am on the side of the good rebel underdog, and you are the evil american dream gone horribly up the ass of mediocre Trader Joe's shopping for the fountain of youth and placenta free conditioner. It is you my friend that feels the need to 'prove' yourself. Not I. I know who I am, and what I can do. Here, say it with me it might help. "I know who I am, and what , and go play with your internet editor Jew friends before I give you a good lashing and no supper.

[n/a] poetandknowit › Jeremi B. Handrinos 10-Aug-03/1:14 PM Reply

I do believe NFG (if you read what they are about) is: 1) not an Internet magazine and 2) a collaborative editorial group. So not only were you turned down by Ms Peabody, but also numerous others that had a look at your work. And by your reaction it lead or leads me to believe that this is the first experience you have ad with submitting literary work for acceptance and had the unfortunate response of a rejection. Worse yet, possibly a one line rejection. As far as the other babble, really, I do not have the time for it. I do not recall what or what I have not said to you, but I am sure it was quite rude, unpleasant and only in the context of what we were discussing at the time. Think what you want about my work and my character. It is quite pleasing. But do not bring Z into this, she is quite a dedicated writer and works hard at establishing herself and building a literary magazine. GW is about in the same league as you when it comes to writing, and I cannot vouch for you friend Ms Peabody. But, do not let one rejection letter dismay you into long infantile rants. Just keep plugging away and maybe one day you to will have a bit of the success that others have worked hard to attain. Until then, good luck to you and your family.

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › poetandknowit 10-Aug-03/2:02 PM Reply

http://agentprawne.illfuckinghostit.com/bumwagon.html

[n/a] Shardik › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 10-Aug-03/2:26 PM Reply

That was really cool Da, thanks, I needed that.

[n/a] Shardik › poetandknowit 10-Aug-03/2:50 PM Reply

It's not the first time I've been rejected. I've been rejected everywhere twice. Granted not by huge publishers, or on a top dollar level, but all the same, some very reputable literary mags. I hardly raised a stink about The NFG turn down, and naturally did not incluse Z, she's been nothing but cool to me. The truth of the matter is I detest everything, and will use any subject or opportunity to stretch my craft whether it's you, Mrs. Cornsoul, harper's Bazaroprobono, ticks, rottenfish, soup, murder, pollen, Voyeurism, Bochilism, Niggers, triggers, bats, rats, mom, dad, murder, Elton John. It doesn't matter. I'll attack anything randomly, or defend something whole heartedly, but when i'm provoked I have trouble stopping, until the deal is closed. Nine inch nailed, over, kaput, finet. For christ sake I write about smurfs, prostitution, and abandonment? Don't confuse me typing out a few small comments to mean I'm in some kind of denial? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. WHY! WHY? SWEET LORD CAN'T I SCORE A GIG AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. DIE YOU NFG DOGS DIEEEEEEEE! HOW DARE YOU DENY MY TRITE GASSY ATTEMPTS AT CONVEYING MY LOVE FOR THE WORLD through verse ARGH, OH LORD, THE PAIN IS ALL AROUND. I better go burn a spoon and pick up my old lady at the chicken shack buy my son back from the pawn shop, and call it quits. THANKS P AND K! I NEED A LOT OF LUCK, and a cold hockeye puck for my failure to give a... Yep, poetry, wow, it's infinitely appliable everywhere. I feel like jack fucking Coolstow, in a glass bottomed ass wagon a drift on the Mediajew Sea. But lord knows I have hope, i mean dope. Did you know that in Reno there is a school called Swope? Weird... Jus weird wild stuff.

[n/a] richa 9-Sep-03/8:52 AM Reply

yes, teams of editors tend to pick 'competition' style poems that noeone will argue too much about. Editors just distill.

Anyway I will rank your poem later, what score do you want?