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Departing Suburbia (Free verse) by Caducus
Its 33 degrees in the morning, Jet planes leave their scars, thickened by time, As skylarks sing in perfect rhyme. A zephyr moves the sweet-dewed glade, Orchestrated by nature in a renewed serenade. I sit and watch the day unfold, And think how much I ignore it, Reaping the view of my fields of gold, Alone with you I simply adore it, Freeing my urban soul, Feeding starved cravings of being free, To be able to not control, And allow peace to fill me. Soon I will go back to suburbia, Switch on my computer and deal with the blurs, Time will be constricted and segmented, By the ‘lets do lunch bunch flow chart obssesives’. This place is a cure for company lepers, Who prefer to break the slats of the corporate ladder, Wanting to be good but who kept getting badder. Sell a common man a common dream, Weave the fabric of society in to his seam, And watch him choke upon repetition, For a normal life and the human condition, I will be King of the under achievers, King of the no hopers and non believers, But I will good for a friend, A husband or Father or helping hand to lend, I will not have a leather chair and my name on steel, Saying go to the 6th floor to do the deal, I will be the one who spits in your tea, An average man, Yet I’ll always be me.

Up the ladder: only pleasure left
Down the ladder: Grampa Morris

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Arithmetic Mean: 8.0
Weighted score: 6.5
Overall Rank: 693
Posted: July 25, 2003 5:22 AM PDT; Last modified: July 25, 2003 5:22 AM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 | 25-Jul-03/8:19 AM | Reply
cad-- a few nitpicks:

starved cravings--redundant

‘lets do lunch' bunch flow chart obssesives--corrected punctuation


nice lines here:
Sell a common man a common dream,
Weave the fabric of society in to his seam,
[8] walrus8 @ 195.157.153.253 | 25-Jul-03/9:05 AM | Reply
Please do not spit in my tea, kind sir.
[n/a] Caducus @ 62.105.119.105 > walrus8 | 25-Jul-03/9:38 AM | Reply
I would not ruin your Assam tea (bet you only drink twinings)
[7] <{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.126.113.154 | 25-Jul-03/12:21 PM | Reply
Seven lines up from the bottom is missing a word "be".
[10] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.208.102 | 26-Jul-03/5:52 PM | Reply
But hey, if you've got six pack abs, you're good to go right? right? Fine job pardno. Good to see you're still pluggin'
[10] INTRANSIT @ 152.163.252.72 | 27-Jul-03/9:48 AM | Reply
Sorry, I was a little un-sober during my last comment. Not always a good thing. I particularly liked the just above freezing temp. Choosing to keep things "fluid". If only punching grandfather clocks would do the trick, eh?
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