Re: The Shadow's Dead by loneshadow29	13-Aug-03/6:14 AM
Bad spell day for me by the looks of it.
Re: The Shadow's Dead by loneshadow29	13-Aug-03/6:13 AM
Get rid of all the melodrama and write it what it she did and your reaction. I don't want to sound like a balding, cock scratchin ghead master but this poem could be done in about 6 lines it just drones on and on blah blah blah. All you need to do is condense and edit, some potential but all this bitch craps gottta go. I've read a few of yours and this for you is average.
Re: Molecular Parasitology Nerdcore Rap by Retaliate	13-Aug-03/6:05 AM
Enjoyable but the titles so paisley.
Re: Sparkling Rust by SupremeDreamer	13-Aug-03/6:02 AM
The title's shit though.
Re: Sparkling Rust by SupremeDreamer	13-Aug-03/6:02 AM
Excellent job its not pretentious, and I think its very poignant (especially the end, so sudden and final). Line one is also quite a beautiful thought, a mental ocean, that one line spawns so many thoughts like clams, drowning in yourself, being consumed, blue etc, This is raw and lingers, I have e0mailed it to my inbox (as i write so many death/angst poems take this a compliment) 10
Re: Art of Suffering by loneshadow29	13-Aug-03/5:52 AM
A mixed bag here. Its heartfelt and easy to relate too but it offers little imagination for such a saturated theme thats been done 1000s of times. I actually did like this though, not all poems need to be perfect, this says what it needs too with clarity and basic expression ....7
Re: play to win by peaceseeker	13-Aug-03/5:49 AM
Last 6 lines were the most vivid but the opening is too gay and sugary for a depressive like me 6
Re: The Musician by Carvaceous	13-Aug-03/5:47 AM
Why not imply the musician plays her emotions as well as his instrument, she being the instrument of lust. Most musicians shag non-stop. the line 'she dances along to the beat' is too basic, this is one possibility that impulsively came to me ..she glides like pollen in to a thorn' (so she's dancing in to trouble, in to pain because he will hurt her) and finally name the damn instrument as they say so much, you got the sultry sax, the sad violin, the reverberating cello? which instrument is it? maybe link it to the woman who loves him. Its not bad as it is but it could be as dark angel would put it----------ACE 6
Re: Twenty Cigarette Burns Ago by DurtKL	13-Aug-03/5:37 AM
Lyric?
Re: Twenty Cigarette Burns Ago by DurtKL	13-Aug-03/5:37 AM
Love the title and the repetition of it works well in contrast with the poem. Some good stuff today on here 8
Re: Maine Freeze by http://mulberryfairy	11-Aug-03/8:57 AM
Here is your 9 again ---------------
Re: WHY IS THE MEDIA SO LONDON-CENTRIC? Written last Tuesday by Nicholas Jones	11-Aug-03/3:14 AM
Nicholas, London is the Capital and they own the Sun, we peasants outside London must accept that we are inferior to all cockneys. London is also the only city in England, they pay higher taxes so deserve to have the best of everything.
Re: Confused by justjay	11-Aug-03/2:39 AM
Okay Buster lets get to it. First off you can do this because your writing is concise but the poetry just isn't there. All you need to do is 'do time' on poemranker learn from the Yoda's and find your identity. Use the force
Re: Missing by justjay	11-Aug-03/2:36 AM
Not bad but show us this emptiness ! For example emptiness could be a bell not tolling, or a kiss before work after 20 years of marriage, give us what emptiness is to you. Also when you reach out what is there? is it emptiness? tell us about how the air feels so lost around your fingers anything other than nothing. Lots of potential here but lethargic 5
Re: Loss by justjay	11-Aug-03/2:30 AM
This is more like a mass of teen angst thought processes weaved in to a poem. The end is too general and I wanted to see more imagination. Its not terrible its just formulaic, routine stuff. Try working with a few metaphors and add a bit more imagination and less cliche. *5*
Re: Pencil Dust [revised] by SupremeDreamer	11-Aug-03/2:05 AM
With exception to stanza 1 I thought this was well written. I've seen all the comments below about you being lazy lately but there are some vivid touches in this poem (stza 2/3/5 particularly). One thing I have learned (you may have the same problem) writers need to be selfish, I suffer from being thoughtful but will NEVER leave a poem half way through if my gal asks me something. No one it seems understands us, heres your 8
Re: Maine Freeze by http://mulberryfairy	11-Aug-03/1:53 AM
Well depicted and you took me there. I must get round to reading your other stuff = 9 One thing L4,S2 (the ocean)
Re: Musings: Willow Sculpture by SupremeDreamer	10-Aug-03/3:16 PM
Impressive, decoratively versed and heres a 9 for ink on my jugular.
Re: How we found Jesus by Jeremi B. Handrinos	10-Aug-03/3:14 PM
A blast ! I loved the way you worked the chapter and verse from the bible with there ages. Its very long but in this case holds the interest. Lots of fun in this (the bell, the cherry tree and heres one of your own Q-Tip awards for ....aahh fuck it, just for picturing you bleat this out thru bluecollar, poet and street verse balladier. eL NiNO 9
Re: a comment on The Longest Wait (Revised) by Caducus	8-Aug-03/3:23 AM
PAKI maybe just maybe the human race is failing because of people like yourself. I am proud that people fall for my (as you and only you seem to call it) crap poetry. Whats the point in arrogantly convincing yourself that your poetry is better than everyone elses when the majority of people are bored to death reading most of your poems? Yes you would argue that these people who like the poetry I write are soap opera watching, low IQ, Jerry Springer audience wannabe's BUT as that has been your constant whine at me then I suggest you go to all these people who have POSITIVELY commented on my poem and insult there intelligence for likeing such a piss poor poet as myself. You Sir write poetry less exciting than the ingredients of a Cornflake box ! the only difference is I will tell that to you directly rather than slagging you off to other users. This is because I'm wise enough to understand no-one gives a shit about our mutual dislike for one another. The sad thing is you would be listened to more is you were not such a prick. Poetry is not defined with 'poetandknowit' yes you can write some excellent poetry but hey guess what ...apparently so can I, you may not be able to grasp that truth with your John Merrick size head but thats the way it is. As for reading me in a TS voice, I am so pleased for you. I always read yours in a loud voice shouting because its the only way people will listen to it - by forcing them too. Lots of Love Cad