poemranker ::Loss by justjay

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 60109

Loss

Member since 2003 · Posted 10 Aug 2003 · 1 comment

Anguish, feeling lust in a world unknown. Pain, it burns inside. Desire for someone. Voices are heard but no one is seen. Feeling pain come at a single moment, knocking you off balance. Meaningful words turn to nothing; Actions are unconfirmed. Going to the point when you, just don't care about anything. Knowing that nothing cares about you. You crawl to a place to hide, but even there is unsafe. And you know there is only one answer, unfortunately it can be misleading. Back to nothing. Alone in a whirl of self-pity. Feeling trapped. . . . Looking for away to break loose. Lost in a single entity, which bears to nothing and no one. Loss

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mean 2.33 weighted 4.68 rank 12133 views 181 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

1 comment

[5] Caducus 11-Aug-03/2:30 AM Reply
This is more like a mass of teen angst thought processes weaved in to a poem. The end is too general and I wanted to see more imagination. Its not terrible its just formulaic, routine stuff. Try working with a few metaphors and add a bit more imagination and less cliche. *5*