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play to win (Free verse) by peaceseeker
absolute and cranberry please "it's stiff" he said squeezed the lemon for me enabling me, opening a tab the scene was lame, but enlightening donned my bare back, let down bleach blonde hair, ends dreaded moved my body to the reggae love, transcending all else over and over, brought you to my garden toked into oblivion, under Mars pretended it was 1996, life was easier remembered the DC protest in January then you moved in, I tried to explain no casual sex for me, and you said it's easier, acted mad, bought me a drink then, was led to a British soccer player, 22 year-old player his words and accent somehow seduced me into bed I don't want to disappoint you, I'm not going to do anything with you eventually, I was naked and he tried what were you thinking? not much, just it felt right, relax no way, you are insane, I should go go with the flow, lay back, no hands allowed, gut feeling, telling me to go, vodka no I should go, leave me alone, sat on the floor, covered my head with my hands got me back on the bed, laying down him on top, was leaving, it was too impersonal don't give me your number, I never know what country I'm going to be in your host father came downstairs, saw me didn't say a word, you said, "Hi dad," I escaped, unscathed, three AM, bridge up, trapped on the other side.

Up the ladder: No Tomorrow

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Arithmetic Mean: 1.0
Weighted score: 4.523188
Overall Rank: 12763
Posted: August 12, 2003 1:36 PM PDT; Last modified: October 2, 2004 12:20 PM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 81.128.135.31 | 12-Aug-03/3:21 PM | Reply
A good effort but it doesn't rhyme very well. Keep working at it, though! You'll get there!
[8] http://mulberryfairy @ 216.195.145.161 | 12-Aug-03/7:52 PM | Reply
I like the way this bursts out, without any interrupting line breaks or unneccesary punctuation, like you said it all in one breath.
[6] Caducus @ 62.105.119.105 | 13-Aug-03/5:49 AM | Reply
Last 6 lines were the most vivid but the opening is too gay and sugary for a depressive like me 6
[7] sliver @ 63.190.73.69 | 15-Aug-03/1:14 PM | Reply
casual poetry, or casual sex? let me guess
[8] http://mulberryfairy @ 216.195.146.7 | 20-Aug-03/4:20 PM | Reply
Liked your revisions, I loved the "raped mouth" part. Some parts were hard to follow, though.
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