Re: a comment on Aphrodite (edited) by Caducus	22-Aug-03/3:32 PM
Be my guest, your the greek and its my 1st sonnet so so your thang please
Re: a comment on Aphrodite (edited) by Caducus	22-Aug-03/12:00 PM
The sad thing is Z I was reading up about her and everthing was going great until I read one theory was that she originated from Uranus, I mean how can that be erotic? I will ask dark angel about the sand in the crotch bit and from what I saw of the few pictures of Aphrodite she looks a B cup at max but I found the sonnet quite difficult this whole 4-4-4-2 thing looks easy but easy it aint. I will think about her breasts and know what your getting at and can see a different version unfolding like -Q- in my head. Fanks for reading
Re: a comment on Aphrodite (edited) by Caducus	22-Aug-03/11:59 AM
The sad thing is Z I was reading up about her and everthing was going great until I read one theory was that she originated from Uranus, I mean how can that be erotic? I will ask dark angel about the sand in the crotch bit and from what I saw of the few pictures of Aphrodite she looks a B cup at max but I found the sonnet quite difficult this whole 4-4-4-2 thing looks easy but easy it aint. I will think about her breasts and know what your getting at and can see a different version unfolding like -Q- in my head. Fanks for reading.
Re: a comment on Aphrodite (edited) by Caducus	22-Aug-03/11:42 AM
Thanks, I've overdosed on the Bard last night and hath doth just possessed me. I can't frickin wait for PAKI's comment, ahhh don't you just love the calm before the storm?
Re: a comment on Aphrodite (edited) by Caducus	22-Aug-03/11:37 AM
You're right about hath doth it was the one line i had problems with. I have stayed true to the story inventing me as the love interest to complete the sonnet and juice something out of the fable. Also line 1 was a tad over adventurous, she was born from an oyster(one of many theories) but I have simplified the opening. My 1st sonnet and there bloody hard.
Re: -- by OneFingerAnswer	22-Aug-03/8:26 AM
nice pimple but you lose a point for not mentioning crimson rivers -its essential in a pimple- 9
Re: A Manifesto on Murder by Jeremi B. Handrinos	22-Aug-03/8:24 AM
And isn't it amazing what 2000 quid will get you - a shot point blank in the face in Coventry where i be.
Re: fragile by Bill Z Bub	22-Aug-03/8:17 AM
The fat belly suits this beauty 9
Re: Good to the Last Drop by Bonehiss	22-Aug-03/8:12 AM
The best I've read of yours and love line 4 -9
Re: Pooty Pops, a delicious way to start your day! by Jeremi B. Handrinos	22-Aug-03/3:09 AM
Yeah thats what i call an american breakfast
Re: whilst the bells ring by richa	14-Aug-03/1:16 PM
Your use of language and ability to illustrate so much with concise lines always makes me envy you. Not that it matters but heres your gold nugget --10
Re: drought on talkin river by richa	14-Aug-03/1:10 PM
God your good
Re: God is a Lady by thepinkbunnyofdoom	14-Aug-03/1:05 PM
Fuck me you've come on leaps and bounds Pinkbuns, heres a 9 and congrats on the top 10
Re: Incomplete by Hostileintent	14-Aug-03/1:03 PM
from here is fine: The megre,insignificant and wretched, ...Our foolish...- are foolhardy puissant individuals, And precarious fob eachother off as, Whose persona is not pellucid, Forget their ignorance-through the leviathan, So is it best,not to be the best, The distinctive,innate and innocuous, But just.....Ordinary But prior to it reads like a different poem altogether, its different in style and is drowned to overkill by rhyme. Easy on the word void, there is rescind which is another defintion of the word. I like the end which i pasted above but it reads more like a collaboration due to the difference in styles. another 7. Your always welcome on my feedback.
Re: Memory by Hostileintent	14-Aug-03/12:58 PM
It holds together well but some of the rhymes (ie the bell that gongs) and: People love what people fear,and people love a compliance to violence, tend to over jam the tart a little. The view of the knight as a forgone protagonist of moral virtue works well against the ignorance of todays society your getting at and I think this poem would be generally revered by the majority as a good satire on present times, in a literary audience you fall in to my category, some will love it and some will dissect the shit out of it. Some poems I write for instance are more traditional in the poetic sense, but theres lots of my stuff (mainly death or love poems) which are pretty accessible. What I guess I am saying is I think poems such as these are better to be understood than to be decoded for there meaning. --------7
Re: a comment on *******Perfect***** by Mona Lisa	14-Aug-03/5:18 AM
I think she means if we felt nothing everything would be perfect in a way because we coul feel no pain but we who would love someone who felt nothing? I get it.
Re: a comment on Sparkling Rust by SupremeDreamer	14-Aug-03/1:51 AM
Actually its quite hard but i think maybe' Drifting' but as I've read the last but 3rd stanza again I can see where you got the title from, just remember the main point of the poem is death, so keep the title real. Drifting Taken or even The Crossing something like those.
Re: A quivering boob by horus8	13-Aug-03/2:48 PM
Stop watching Anna Nicole Smith your obsessed man ! As for the boobs, well summer and men seem to come and go quicker than a posh wank 9 You crack me up.
Re: a comment on The Well by Caducus	13-Aug-03/2:46 PM
Thanks, I like the ages leaders and shimmering coins, yours and mine signify drowning under other peoples wishes in the shape of queens or dead presidents. I'm sorting myself out now and thanks for the shoulder again.
Re: trying to cross the border to Sweetgrass by Patsy	13-Aug-03/8:23 AM
Layered and well executed 9