poemranker ::Aphrodite (edited) by Caducus

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Sonnet № 61810

Aphrodite (edited)

by Caducus

Member since 2002 · Posted 22 Aug 2003 · Edited 22 Aug 2003 · 12 comments

From Poseidon, Aphrodite appeared, With eyes aquamarine that shone, From virgin sight I was endeared, The ocean bowed which she walked upon. Semitic goddess of rapturous deity, Embrace me like you do the earth. Salt from my eyes for you I lay at sea, Let my sadness of envy be our mirth. But from the zealous palms of Cronus, The sickle splits my flesh to froth, Son’s of Hesiod come to stone us, My blood mixes in to salty broth, And I spread around her immortal flesh, And we are one in togetherness.

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12 comments

[8] Bill Z Bub 22-Aug-03/10:06 AM Reply
"Poseidon's clams"!
For some reason, that made me laugh.

Nice try, but this doesn't work for me. Too awkward:
"what they hath doth"?
Some word choices don't fit this one.

[n/a] Caducus › Bill Z Bub 22-Aug-03/11:37 AM Reply
You're right about hath doth it was the one line i had problems with. I have stayed true to the story inventing me as the love interest to complete the sonnet and juice something out of the fable. Also line 1 was a tad over adventurous, she was born from an oyster(one of many theories) but I have simplified the opening.

My 1st sonnet and there bloody hard.
[8] Bill Z Bub 22-Aug-03/11:38 AM Reply
much better
[n/a] Caducus › Bill Z Bub 22-Aug-03/11:42 AM Reply
Thanks, I've overdosed on the Bard last night and hath doth just possessed me. I can't frickin wait for PAKI's comment, ahhh don't you just love the calm before the storm?
[n/a] <~> 22-Aug-03/11:54 AM Reply
cad--nice first try. but. why. do. you. insist. on. writing. with. a. different. voice. than. the. one. you. speak. with., just. because. it's. a. sonnet???

see how fucking annoying that is?

don't try to be so noble. tell me about her breats, and how they mounded up, wet and lustrous, like pearls. tell me about the tangle of arame that dresses her..erm, 'cavern'... tell me about the sand in your crotch.

that's what i want to hear.
[n/a] Caducus › <~> 22-Aug-03/12:00 PM Reply
The sad thing is Z I was reading up about her and everthing was going great until I read one theory was that she originated from Uranus, I mean how can that be erotic? I will ask dark angel about the sand in the crotch bit and from what I saw of the few pictures of Aphrodite she looks a B cup at max but I found the sonnet quite difficult this whole 4-4-4-2 thing looks easy but easy it aint.

I will think about her breasts and know what your getting at and can see a different version unfolding like -Q- in my head.

Fanks for reading
[7] horus8 22-Aug-03/1:39 PM Reply
A really brave attempt. I could edit this.
[n/a] Caducus › horus8 22-Aug-03/3:32 PM Reply
Be my guest, your the greek and its my 1st sonnet so so your thang please
[7] horus8 22-Aug-03/5:03 PM Reply
From Poseidon, Aphrodite appeared,
Eyes aquamarine, and true as the dawn.
From her virgin flesh all wave horses reared,
As an Ocean bowed when she walked upon.

Immaculate goddess of men's delight,
Embrace me as if I was Hephaestus
After fire pounding steel all day and night.
My mouth to yours, my hands to your discus'.

But my loss serves the will of the sky God
Your uncle loves you enough to kill me.
As the storm brings me down I find it's odd
that love between men and gods cannot be.

My love and my life to you I bequeeth
I am yours out at sea just underneath.
[n/a] Caducus › horus8 23-Aug-03/3:11 AM Reply
Horus : that was so kind of you.

With your permisson can i post it as 'Aphrodite (horus8 version)

You too have stuck to the story with a different twist and greek mythology is wicked don't you think.

line 3 is so cool as is 2/8/9/10 and the crescendo says a lot about fate and i can think of 3 or 4 metaphors for the last line.

Inspired.
[7] horus8 › Caducus 23-Aug-03/7:05 AM Reply
Absolutely, it would be my honor.
[5] andrewjthomas 27-Jan-04/3:57 PM Reply
need to work on your iambic pentameter a bit
also, it doesn't really speak to me, but i think that's just because i don't care much for this particular mythology