on Behind the veil by INTRANSIT
1 Oct 2003, 1:12 AM
fine squirt of ink even
on Behind the veil by INTRANSIT
1 Oct 2003, 1:12 AM
add another 4 lines with the same rhyme as the first 2 , end it with 2 non rhyme lines and you have thee a sonnet !
As a poem - deluxe - the last line kind of crackles not explodes apart from that a dine squirt of ink 8
As a poem - deluxe - the last line kind of crackles not explodes apart from that a dine squirt of ink 8
on Love doggerel by thavimatola
29 Sep 2003, 9:28 AM
Don't get it? help !
on body image by http://mulberryfairy
29 Sep 2003, 9:27 AM
Gotta tell you sweetie - love your work 9.
on Involunarily yours, by jacqui
29 Sep 2003, 9:25 AM
Line 2 is the type of line you need to use consistently. Line 6 is reader asphyxiation.
Your ever helpful Caducus x x x
Your ever helpful Caducus x x x
on Involunarily yours, by jacqui
29 Sep 2003, 9:23 AM
Loads of potential but messy - very messy. 5
on Life on the Sidewalk (with superfluous vulgarisms) by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
29 Sep 2003, 9:20 AM
Loved the opening.
It reminded me of a pimple rap rant. Thanks for cheering me up on this miserable monday. 8
It reminded me of a pimple rap rant. Thanks for cheering me up on this miserable monday. 8
I watched 'The Thin Red Line' yesterday have u seen it? In Coventry we have a memorial park where you can buy hash or weed. Skaters love the steps and someone has spray painted goal posts so they can play soccer.
It's a fucked up world and that side of humanity disgusts me to the soul.
It's a fucked up world and that side of humanity disgusts me to the soul.
on When my poems go platinum by horus8
24 Sep 2003, 8:14 AM
3rd part disturbed me deliciously so. 9
on Manila by poetandknowit
17 Sep 2003, 2:45 AM
Ever heard of hitting a nail on its head?
rickshaws pedaling giddy tourists on goodwill jaunts
along the slithers and scattered patches of asphalt.
rickshaws pedaling giddy tourists on goodwill jaunts
along the slithers and scattered patches of asphalt.
on Manila by poetandknowit
17 Sep 2003, 2:44 AM
I can picture you sitting there absorbing the sights and sounds that fuelled the mood so well expressed in this poem.
Yes, I absolutely love this.
(God its nice being nice aint it?) ^10^
Yes, I absolutely love this.
(God its nice being nice aint it?) ^10^
replying on The Wooden Armchair Of Similar Dreams by Caducus
30 Aug 2003, 8:09 AM
Easy dark, easy your turning into PAKI with those ha ha ha's.
replying on The Wooden Armchair Of Similar Dreams by Caducus
30 Aug 2003, 7:56 AM
What are you on about?
on Trollop: A Married Mans Revenge by DreamerSupreme
23 Aug 2003, 12:20 PM
Horus will love this. You just can't put the man down and he bleeds olive.
on What you know by INTRANSIT
23 Aug 2003, 12:17 PM
As always your writing intrigues. I had a problem with line 2 its a bit of a flow killer.
However the way you used lizard was good, though they tend to turret their eyes other than move due to their prey instict. The best for me was where you went with the message and your strength for me has always been that you have a strong beginning, middle, and end, a depth in words yet with a clarity of expression.
8
However the way you used lizard was good, though they tend to turret their eyes other than move due to their prey instict. The best for me was where you went with the message and your strength for me has always been that you have a strong beginning, middle, and end, a depth in words yet with a clarity of expression.
8
replying on Aphrodite (edited) by Caducus
23 Aug 2003, 3:11 AM
Horus : that was so kind of you.
With your permisson can i post it as 'Aphrodite (horus8 version)
You too have stuck to the story with a different twist and greek mythology is wicked don't you think.
line 3 is so cool as is 2/8/9/10 and the crescendo says a lot about fate and i can think of 3 or 4 metaphors for the last line.
Inspired.
With your permisson can i post it as 'Aphrodite (horus8 version)
You too have stuck to the story with a different twist and greek mythology is wicked don't you think.
line 3 is so cool as is 2/8/9/10 and the crescendo says a lot about fate and i can think of 3 or 4 metaphors for the last line.
Inspired.
replying on One Sided Love by Caducus
22 Aug 2003, 3:34 PM
you helped big time (finger space)