poemranker ::Mother by jacqui

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 67320

Mother

Member since 2003 · Posted 28 Sep 2003 · 4 comments

blue eyes like the sky overflow into the deep blue sea lying at your feet. you were plunged down, stones furthering your descent, watching as the chains shattered when you thought they'd never dent. and he's asleep on a patio chair, as the cigar smoke settles, cloaking him in sin. and you look out at where with a flicker and a flash, one turned on you while in denial he lit a match. we all spout venom, lighter fluid, to fuel the fire burning at your feet, 'til only thick strands of ash, several shades of gray, frame blue eyes,turned to the sky to someone who by and by, will stop the rain.

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mean 6.29 weighted 5.35 rank 3413 views 163 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

4 comments

[9] hipster flare 29-Sep-03/7:20 AM Reply
yeah, been there. My mom's a piece of work, too.
[7] Caducus 29-Sep-03/9:22 AM Reply
Not bad t'all.

Your problem though is line 1 ! its so cliched and by the time I got over it I had missed the following lines which are pretty good.

There's no shame in a 7
[8] http://mulberryfairy 29-Sep-03/10:55 AM Reply
nice story in this one
[6] boldsilence 25-Jun-04/3:47 PM Reply
interesting...