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Mother (Free verse) by jacqui
blue eyes like the sky overflow into the deep blue sea lying at your feet. you were plunged down, stones furthering your descent, watching as the chains shattered when you thought they'd never dent. and he's asleep on a patio chair, as the cigar smoke settles, cloaking him in sin. and you look out at where with a flicker and a flash, one turned on you while in denial he lit a match. we all spout venom, lighter fluid, to fuel the fire burning at your feet, 'til only thick strands of ash, several shades of gray, frame blue eyes,turned to the sky to someone who by and by, will stop the rain.

Up the ladder: One goal,Gotten&Changed
Down the ladder: Beating heart

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.285714
Weighted score: 5.345782
Overall Rank: 3415
Posted: September 28, 2003 9:49 PM PDT; Last modified: September 28, 2003 9:49 PM PDT
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Comments:
[9] hipster flare @ 209.68.66.187 | 29-Sep-03/7:20 AM | Reply
yeah, been there. My mom's a piece of work, too.
[7] Caducus @ 62.105.119.105 | 29-Sep-03/9:22 AM | Reply
Not bad t'all.

Your problem though is line 1 ! its so cliched and by the time I got over it I had missed the following lines which are pretty good.

There's no shame in a 7
[8] http://mulberryfairy @ 216.195.146.100 | 29-Sep-03/10:55 AM | Reply
nice story in this one
[6] boldsilence @ 68.11.251.86 | 25-Jun-04/3:47 PM | Reply
interesting...
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