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body image (Free verse) by http://mulberryfairy
forty-five minutes of step coordinated to sixteen beat divisions of 80’s songs: “the locomotion”, “thriller” were interrupted by the blurred passing of a candy blue, dilapidated train that rumbled by the studio's wide windows, drowning out our perky instructor’s directives step was followed by 15 minutes of hooking, crossing, bobbing and weaving to dramatic, rocky-esque music Abs were to follow, concentration on the task of reverse curl was broken by a terse knock from outside of the emergency exit instructor allowed Legs to collapse, jogged over to answer dividing the length of her Waist, the mic belt was still velcro'd, amplifying: “you’re kidding” (later she’d remember, with sadness, the inappropriateness of those words) disaster lurked through the lavender door, spandexed ladies were too Nosy to be bashful they filed in and out disregarding sweat-wetted Crotches and sports' bras sitting on my mat, concerned with the fate of my workout, i watched others’ concerned Brows and imagined their silent thanks: nobody they knew sirens approached, surely we, the dedicated a.m. exercisers, with our appropriately elevated Heart rates, were collectively appalled that five minutes ago we’d been worried about how our Thighs jiggled during sidekicks while we aimed our Soles at our own mirrored Faces, how the aerobic studio’s fans radiated garlicky b.o. varying from my preferred route on the way home, i turned left to see whether the tragedy was worthy of the commotion neighbors stood on tipToe next to leashed miniature dogs to peek over parked, flashing police cars there i beheld the Head, resting on a bed of wood between the rails, the Body, laying to the right of the tracks amongst burger king litter and early fall leaves the pale, flacid Stomach shone where the green shirt had blown up with the passing of the train these intuitive, cardio-stepping women, with all their talk about “energy”, had missed the spiritual notification: this tortured man lay here, just twenty minutes ago, determined enough to camouflage his Skin in cotton clothing dyed green and brown, waiting for the tardy train’s arrival to release his grateful soul to some unknown refuge after escaping through the gaping Neckhole in our sanctified, aerobicized midst, so close that Something rattled the windows in our studio of self conscious masochism

Up the ladder: Cyber Junkie
Down the ladder: Lament

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.8
Weighted score: 5.095362
Overall Rank: 6095
Posted: September 24, 2003 8:36 PM PDT; Last modified: September 28, 2003 7:59 PM PDT
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Comments:
[9] irishfolksuicide @ 81.178.226.84 | 25-Sep-03/4:33 AM | Reply
Kudos to you, you have the blue 1/10 before you even have the good marks this poem deserves.
[n/a] http://mulberryfairy @ 216.195.146.100 > irishfolksuicide | 29-Sep-03/11:40 AM | Reply
Thanks. I must be doing something right if I pushed someone's buttons enough to warrant the rating of a blue 1.
[5] ecargo @ 208.249.92.99 | 25-Sep-03/7:54 AM | Reply
Way too many extraneous details before getting to the meat of this. Why start in the car? Why all the workout details? In medias res.
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.208.102 | 25-Sep-03/5:00 PM | Reply
wordiness is an advantage. more to work with. unlike my sometimes ground-up-bones-for-a-poem style. Seriously, spend some time with this and the fox poem. both have plenty going for them. whv.
[10] peaceseeker @ 24.31.151.61 | 27-Sep-03/2:34 PM | Reply
It's interesting to me the way you related the suicide to the work-out class. I would like to see more about how the two are similar.
Very well written, a perfect 10.
[n/a] Joe-joe @ 170.28.4.4 > peaceseeker | 29-Sep-03/3:48 AM | Reply
Isn't locomotion a 60's song (comon baby do the locomotion). Anyway, Mulberrry, what exactly is the "spirtiual notification" that was missed? Are you trying to point out the absurdity of our obsession with self image in the face of genuine tragedy? I think most people, whether they are conscious of it or not, use things like excercise to escape the daily tragedy that is thier lives. But yes, there are many who live in a box and can't see past their own vanity. Now that's a real tragedy. I liked this piece. Thought it was very well written. -8-
[7] hipster flare @ 209.68.66.187 > Joe-joe | 29-Sep-03/7:48 AM | Reply
Kylie Minoque redid it in the 80's, as did some other pop band with a male singer.
[5] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? @ 195.92.67.74 | 29-Sep-03/6:04 AM | Reply
You should have just drawn an ASCII picture of a naked woman's body.
[9] Caducus @ 62.105.119.105 | 29-Sep-03/9:27 AM | Reply
Gotta tell you sweetie - love your work 9.

[n/a] http://mulberryfairy @ 216.195.146.100 > Caducus | 29-Sep-03/11:41 AM | Reply
Ditto.
[n/a] Geschäftsreise @ 164.67.82.153 | 29-Sep-03/2:28 PM | Reply
Well played. This poem made me think:

There is the classical approach where fine physique and its attainment are considered virtues - the work itself and the struggle are not masochism but something to be enjoyed.

Then there is the reluctant, desperate, reactionary, and poisonous pursuit of perfection that our society is seen to espouse.

What allowed the ancients to pursue this in a completely healthy way while it eats away at us? Or maybe they felt just as lacking as we do, and it is only historians, who seeing images of physical beauty, ascribe to them a sublime sense of the aesthetics of athleticism.
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