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The Wooden Armchair Of Similar Dreams (Free verse) by Caducus Crocodiles drown in synchronized sorrow,
Church bells ring, the ringing so hollow.
Am I the only one to mourn you?
Crows dressed as humans have come to scorn you.
You took so long to be taken,
Too long for the vultures who circled above,
In heaven your dreams awaken,
A simple dream called love.
I sit in your wooden armchair of similar dreams,
And close my eyes to familiar scenes.
The screaming, the stench,
The scheming, the wench.
The derelict peace now fills the room,
Hibiscus covered walls now a dying bloom.
The greatest gift you left,
ensuring life and not existence,
Is exhaled in my breath.
( for Dannara )
Up the ladder:
Songs of the hedge bird
Down the ladder:
Boys with Guns
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.464286
Posted: November 14, 2002 6:45 AM PST; Last modified: March 12, 2003 2:10 AM PSTWeighted score: 6.460665 Overall Rank: 720 Comments:
[n/a]
UnityMitford @ 167.206.181.179
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14-Nov-02/8:17 AM
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Reply
if i were Dannara, i wouldn't know how the hell to take this (not that i do anyway).
There's a lot of wonderful language here I especially like "The derilict peace" that images I think is an important one, for me anyway. "Ensuring life and not existence" makes me say 'fuck'... but in a good way. Unfortunately my less favorite rhyme(love/above) is also found here. When ever I see the word above at the end of a line I know the word love is not far behind. Ha, I made a poe-m!
I can't help it. Generally, when I see the word 'Crocodile' in a poem, I expect to be amused. You actually managed to use them well. Bravo.
I like it, Cdcs. I would, however, like to see wenches associated with more positive elements than 'stench', perhaps 'wymyn's wenchly winsome wyles and wunnerful quenching...' something, something; they deserve it. Not sure about 'derelict peace'.
I'm on the posi-side here. And another vote for (derelict peace). I want to write something like this for my mom, I'm just not ready yet. Fab read indeed.
let me know when you've written for your ma, I'd wanna read it.
Pleased I pleased -thanks
I keep reading this and I think it deserves exaltation beyond p/r.
i'm going to give you a nine on this...be proud..i normally tear the fuck out of everybody just out of sheer distemperment. why? hardcore denial my friend, and alot lot more...this made me care about life again on certain levels, and i choose to cover the girls name at the bottom, replace it with mine, and pretend it was a note to me from someone who held me along time ago....but no more is that...no more...is me. 9. boo-hoo. col! lol! col!dol!bol!wol!
Ok Bachus, the armchair is yours, I'll even throw in the Doritos and series 4 of baywatch.
and thanks for your cmnts
bachus, your changing that spindly whine for something more apetitoso. i like this side of you, you actually deserve a hug.
Very nice.
The last three lines carry a great burden very gracefully. I wonder a bit at the variation in rhyme scheme between end end of s 1 and the of s2, but that's just the pernickety formalist in me trying to get out. The main thing is you got a sensitive comment from Bachus - that is all the praise you will ever need. Well done.
God, that was illiterate. I meant the end of s1 and the end of s2, but my fingers got confused.
Wow
I liked the gist of this poem, but the meataphors you decided to use hold no particular meaning in literature or even logically. " Crocodiles drown in synchronized sorrow," I really thought of this particualr verse as, well stupid. Don't be offeneded, as I said like the theme behind this poem and thought it better than many of the others I have read. I'm only trying to help you out. It would be alot better if you added symbolism that made sense. for instance, a candle is usally related to life, a hawk is reffered to as the soul.
henh?
there once was a fellow named smlink who scrabbled and smirked like a skink demanding better symbols and clashing his cymbals trying to hide his own poetry's stink
It was so long ago, I'm unaware of the changes. Feels strong still.
I liked this poem a lot but I sheepishly confess I'm still trying to puzzle out the meaning of the last stanza. Can I get a hint?
Its al about living and not just existing, learning from there life and making sure you avoid the footsteps as they can lead you in to the same path of parasites she met.
Yummy.
A beautifully written piece of work.
first of all, thanks for the comments.
second,i like it.it is, what seems to me, to be quite nostalgic.i duno, i have always had a thing for personal and nostalgic poetry,and this fits in here.very well written. 10
After the way you have treated me, I hate to say this but this is an excellent poem. I can be objective, can you?
What are you on about?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Easy dark, easy your turning into PAKI with those ha ha ha's.
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