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Songs of the hedge bird (Free verse) by ALChemy
Before the morning symphony when you hear sounds of tuning crickets, of warbling wind and humming bees, while fluttering in the thickets a chirp, a whistle, a rustling of feathers bring the branches of the briar bustling about hither and dither as the birds prepare their choir. In a lonely cottage on a dewy meadow next to a window stood a cage. In its bamboo bars a small bright yellow Parakeet with breast of sage proudly perched on man made branch staring through the window frame at all the life along the ranch listening to the sounds that came. But one sound, one song, one soothing voice soared through the throng and caught his ear. She sang so lovely that he’d rejoice each morning when her voice appeared and brought him tales of far off lands, hide and seek games in the cumuli, of traveling across the ocean spans and a heaven that awaits in the sky. Each day the song bird in the hedge sang to him his hopes and dreams and he knew just past the window ledge, beyond these narrow bamboo beams was a place where life was merry, where he could make his family, where the heavens were his aviary and his home was a tall safe tree. But the cage gate still remained closed and his once pretty wings had been clipped With each day he felt more like a ghost and each night his lonely heart wept for he knew he could never be freed. His lot in life had already been chose. Though he dreamt someday he’d succeed the cage gate still remained closed. Still each morning the song bird she sang to him, songs of life and love and with each lovely note that he heard he knew her voice would be enough to bring him the joys of lands far away, of games in the clouds and trips across seas, of watching your children laugh and play and holding your lover warm in the breeze. She sang to him one last song on the last lonely day of his life. She brought dreams that lasted as long as forever and in them were a wife and children and friends by his side, a bright blue sky where he could roam free, his once clipped wings now full and wide and with each morning came a symphony But before the morning symphony there comes sounds of tuning crickets, the warbling wind, the humming bees and somewhere in the thickets a chirp, a whistle, a rustling of feathers bustling the branches of the briar jittering about hither and dither as the little yellow bird joins the choir.

Up the ladder: Aspic

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 6.462117
Overall Rank: 719
Posted: July 3, 2006 5:51 AM PDT; Last modified: July 3, 2006 5:51 AM PDT
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amanda_dcosta

Comments:
[10] amanda_dcosta @ 202.164.140.184 | 3-Jul-06/7:13 AM | Reply
All I can say Al, is that it's beautiful.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 71.75.188.128 > amanda_dcosta | 3-Jul-06/10:29 AM | Reply
I'm glad it matched it's inspiration.
[10] Dovina @ 12.72.34.125 | 3-Jul-06/8:49 AM | Reply
An old-time poem in a modern cage. Really nice.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 71.75.188.128 > Dovina | 3-Jul-06/10:35 AM | Reply
Thanks D. I like the way you put that.
[8] little_angel_maria @ 201.201.28.2 | 3-Jul-06/11:18 PM | Reply
hi im maria i really like your poem i think its exellent!!! well done mate
[9] Ranger @ 86.138.69.187 | 3-Jul-06/11:49 PM | Reply
I hope you weren't expecting us to give you any improvements for this, because really, it's excellent. Except for 'already been chose', but that's because I'm English and pedantic. A lovely read.
[10] deleted user @ 64.140.227.3 | 4-Jul-06/12:42 PM | Reply
A fantastic read from begining to end--beautiful work ALChemy.
[8] Niphredil @ 132.69.238.35 | 5-Jul-06/10:54 AM | Reply
I hate to party poop, but the truth is that the happy little yellow bird doesn't know how to forage for food or where to sleep when it rains, and would probably end up being rejected by the flock, dripping and sad on a wet slippery branch, and have a pretty rough time of it altogether.
~
Niph, erstwhile misanthrope.
[8] ecargo @ 63.22.64.23 > Niphredil | 5-Jul-06/1:06 PM | Reply
Hee--Niphredil, you cynic.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 209.23.202.76 > Niphredil | 5-Jul-06/2:25 PM | Reply
No need to worry about our little friend. He's in birdy heaven. I doubt much can harm him now.
[8] ecargo @ 63.22.64.23 | 5-Jul-06/12:30 PM | Reply
Sammy, my sister's conure, screams defiance at all the birds he hears outside. Not a romantic, like your bird in this.

This has a really nice storybook quality to it. The rhymes are simple and you have nice variation (near rhymes sometimes, instead of slavishly sticking with dead-on rhyming) that prevents it from coming off as stilted. A very pretty tale in the nicest of ways.
[10] wilco @ 24.92.74.122 | 5-Jul-06/7:00 PM | Reply
You give me a poetry boner.
[2] Edna Sweetlove @ 85.210.255.61 | 20-Sep-06/5:02 PM | Reply
Slop.
[9] lmp @ 141.154.134.3 | 27-Apr-07/2:52 PM | Reply
it's tweet, really. :D
[10] Dovina @ 75.82.86.162 > lmp | 27-Apr-07/8:55 PM | Reply
And so the bird was freed at last
From his humdrum forlorn loneliness
He never said goodbye or godspeed
Or hope you break out too
But flitted off and left us caged
Returning now and then to chirp
As a bird might do if visiting a zoo
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