Free verse № 65928
Boys with Guns
Have you ever seen a picture
A picture taken of a child
A child with a gun, who has never seen the fun
The fun that the gun deprived
Have you ever seen a picture
A picture taken for
To show the Grotesque Obscenity
The Obscenity Grotesque, the Grotesque Obscenity of war
Who ever heard of the boy soldier
Those essential elements of war
Disgusting, Disgusting. Iâm Disgusted. Disgusting
The Grotesque Obscenity of war
Have you ever seen a picture
Of a boy, without a home
A picture, a boy, no home- a war
The Grotesque Obscenity of war
8 comments
the repetition makes it seem like your starting to stammer, as if gripped by anxiety or nervouseness.. at first i thought it out of place, but then you mentioned that you lived in such a place, and it made sense..
was that the purpose? or was it simply done to give more force to emotion? (im all curiouse this morning)
overall, 8
[_] About romantic love
[_] About poetry-writing
[_] About suicide or self-mutilation
[_] Arbitrary indentation
[x] Arbitrary line breaks
[_] Autobiographical but in the third person
[_] Clerical errors
[x] Cliched imagery (staring out of window, pits of despair)
[_] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.)
[x] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments
[x] Devoid of rhyme
[_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices
[_] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery
[_] Drug references
[_] Elves, unicorns, etc.
[_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits'
[_] Insipidly whimsical or zany
[_] Leaving rant
[_] Lower case only
[x] Melodramatic
[_] Naively religious or superstitious
[_] Obsessed with femininity
[_] Overabundance of ellipses
[x] Overuse of 'depression' words (putrid, wretched, darkness, etc)
[x] Pointedly unanswered questions
[_] Protagonist has a smug name
[_] Rage against the machine
[_] References to the author's 'social life'
[x] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea
[x] Sanctimoniously moral
[_] Sentimental
[_] Self-pity
[_] Thesaurophilia
[_] Use of internet shorthand or emoticons
[x] Vicarious wish fulfilment SPA
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