Poemranker [Replying] Wed May 01 23:44:31 PDT 2024

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Boys with Guns (Free verse) by Hostileintent

Have you ever seen a picture A picture taken of a child A child with a gun, who has never seen the fun The fun that the gun deprived Have you ever seen a picture A picture taken for To show the Grotesque Obscenity The Obscenity Grotesque, the Grotesque Obscenity of war Who ever heard of the boy soldier Those essential elements of war Disgusting, Disgusting. Iâm Disgusted. Disgusting The Grotesque Obscenity of war Have you ever seen a picture Of a boy, without a home A picture, a boy, no home- a war The Grotesque Obscenity of war

Shardik

19-Sep-03/5:08 PM

[_] AABB rhyming scheme
[_] About romantic love
[_] About poetry-writing
[_] About suicide or self-mutilation
[_] Arbitrary indentation
[x] Arbitrary line breaks
[_] Autobiographical but in the third person
[_] Clerical errors
[x] Cliched imagery (staring out of window, pits of despair)
[_] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.)
[x] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments
[x] Devoid of rhyme
[_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices
[_] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery
[_] Drug references
[_] Elves, unicorns, etc.
[_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits'
[_] Insipidly whimsical or zany
[_] Leaving rant
[_] Lower case only
[x] Melodramatic
[_] Naively religious or superstitious
[_] Obsessed with femininity
[_] Overabundance of ellipses
[x] Overuse of 'depression' words (putrid, wretched, darkness, etc)
[x] Pointedly unanswered questions
[_] Protagonist has a smug name
[_] Rage against the machine
[_] References to the author's 'social life'
[x] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea
[x] Sanctimoniously moral
[_] Sentimental
[_] Self-pity
[_] Thesaurophilia
[_] Use of internet shorthand or emoticons
[x] Vicarious wish fulfilment SPA

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